Sunday 8th Feb: The Jokers (A): Big Cup

After the previous weekend’s excellent battling draw on the unfamiliar grass of Regents Park it was back to the astroturf of Market Road. Snow was replaced by (OLD) rain and thankfully it was a couple of degrees warmer so there was no repeat of my southern jessie glove-wearing from the previous Sunday.

I arrived a mere quarter hour before kick-off having missed the Market Road turning and become fully entangled in the Holloway one-way system. It was not a good start and the empty feeling in my stomach where a well-digested pre-match meal should have been was not helping things. I began to regret the previous day’s drinking and sport watching and in particular several cans of Stella that had rounded off the night (WOMAN'S). I’ll spare you the details but having risen at 2pm, and with the help of a pint of Resolve and several visits to the lav it wasn’t pretty.

However with half a bottle of Powerade and some Jaffa cakes down my neck and the freshly laundered kit safely in a well-populated dressing room things were looking up. Things took a turn for the worse after a couple of scrotes who had been hanging around our goal nicked one of our balls. This is where a mugshot of the offenders would come in handy (I can still see the grin on one of the little shit’s face) but unfortunately this week’s account is to be a hard-on-the-eye text fest with no pretty pictures to spice things up. If anyone fancies drawing (MINGE) an artist’s impression though I’m sure Bernie could slip it in and we could have the wider Alliance family on the look out (although with the potential for violence against children and potential incarceration perhaps that’s not such a good idea).

Relieved they hadn’t nicked anything else and after a rousing team talk from Captain Coyle out on the pitch (who as ever was bang up for it and again sporting the lime green internet boots) (PONG) game was finally underway. The line-up was similar to last weekend’s team with Eddie in goal, Liam, Gibbsy, me and Micah across the back, Bernie, Ian, Dan and Guy in midfield and Coyley and Simon up front.

With no seven-foot monster to mark I was a bit lost initially and it soon became apparent that this week’s opposition were going to be a different proposition. Playing one up front and packing the midfield with nippy little diving continental types this lot were looking to pass their way through. One lad called Mauro wearing gloves (what kind of pansy wears gloves?…..unless its snowing of course) and a roll-neck AS Roma top under his shirt looked (SMELLS) ripe for an old fashioned ‘reducer’ early doors. After starting evenly the first half swung in Jokers favour after a stone-wall offside was missed by the ref (who just happened to be one of theirs) and one of their lads slotted home. Oh for a replay and a bit of Alan Hansen or Andy Gray analysis of that one. Things got worse when a shot from outside the box was unluckily deflected in by Gibbsy leaving Eddie with no chance.

So we turned round 2-0 down (LIKE) and half time was mostly spent discussing how we could stop the little shites overrunning us. Chairman Bernie was replaced by Pete in a like for like switch on the left wing. With our defence reluctant to push up in case the ref screwed us with another dodgy off-side decision the opposition still had space and more men in the middle of the park despite the heroic efforts of Dan and Ian. The opposition were still getting chances and despite everyone giving their all we still weren’t gaining the upper hand.

With half of the second half gone Rafa Bernie-tez rang the changes – Colin on for Micah and Steve on for Guy. With time running out he pushed yours truly up into midfield leaving us short at the back but with one more body in the middle of the park. Whether or not this was a tactical masterstroke (or whether it was responsible or not) we started getting up a head of steam with Simon and Coyley up front seeing some ball but with Jokers looking dangerous on the break. With corners coming regularly and the pressure building it looked like we might at least pull one back. But eventually time ran out and we were left ruing a poor refereeing decision and some bad luck. In truth the opposition were good on the ball and a decent passing side but with the effect of tactical changes to look back on Rafa has (FISH) food for thought before we play them again.

It was another whole-hearted performance from the team and 2-0 wasn’t really a fair reflection of our efforts. Eddie pulled off some great saves, the defence looked solid, the midfield did well to contain greater numbers and the lads up front ran their socks off. Man of the Match is a tough one to call with everyone giving 100% but for some tough tackling, hard (BATTER) running and facing up to extra numbers in midfield I can’t split Dan and Ian. [Bernie if you want to choose a winner I guess you’ve got editor’s prerogative - Ed. you're right Tim I do, Liam].