A job half done by Bernie Smith of the Northern Alliance.
It wasnt until I was putting my arm in the soggy sleeves of the new Alliance kit (to turn them inside out ready for washing, 30 degrees wash, make sure you have a full load) this evening that I realised that if Tony Adams had given us a lesson in the art of defending we might all be sitting at our desks on Monday morning celebrating our first cup win of the season.
Unfortunately, he was handing top tips (no doubt in an excruciatingly slow manner) to a load of 10 year olds instead. Jeff still managed to get his photo with him though. Well done you Jeff.
In the hot sun of a late September Sunday evening we kicked off with high hopes of success in the cup. And it came, in bucket loads, but like Jeff on his gravy strokes, conkers deep in some doris treacle while dreaming of Tony, it could possibly be argued they came too early. Sorry love, is that the curtain?
First of all GPR helped us out with a nice little own goal with the ball eventually bouncing over their keeper following a failed clearance. Second came shortly after, with Andy W (not to be confused with Woody) capping a fine display of central midfieldmanship with a left footed strike after going past a couple of their defenders. And as he has a habit of doing Guy popped up with a fantastic strike, following a poor goal kick, to make it 3-0 probably with about 10 minutes or so in the first half. Smithy's already writing the headlines for the morning papers 'a new power rising' and all that sort of thing, but being steadily kept in check by Ketch at the back so that I didnt go forward too much. I was encouraged by Ross on the wing who was making head way with Gibbsy, Coylely and Crouchy down the right.
But I was thinking too soon, and a ball over the top leads to a relatively avoidable goal for GPR. I say relatively avoidable on the basis that in the second half there was some clearly avoidable goals conceded by the sometimes mighty Alliance.
So 3-1 at half time, we're coasting and that was the problem. It was decided that the next goal was crucial. We got that all crucial goal - so we all thought 'oh well we've got the all crucial goal, let's relax and let them come right back into the game'. Ross scored it from the opposite side from Stevie G's lob-cum-shot against Hull on Saturday in a similar manner. Great stuff 4-1, let's make some subs, give Coyley's ankle a rest and start thinking about the league campaign.
But before you could say 'is it a 2pm KO at Market Road on Saturday 3rd of October - and if you want to play you should probably email Bernie quick smart Monday morning' we'd found ourselves running towards our own goal thrice in succession to concede some rather disappointing and definitely avoidable goals to bring the score to 4-4. Absolute negarama fellas! Either at 4-2 or 4-3 Bernie went off for the newly wedded Mr Pete Stupple, and Guy was replaced by Mr Jeffrey Romeo.
So we're 4-4 and there's a decent chunk of the second half remaining. Guy strokes a lovely pass through to Coyley who opens his account for the season with a deftly placed daisy chaser that creeps in the goal. 5-4 and we've definitely won it now. They cant possibly...oh yes they can and another goal goes in at the other end. We're not playing like we were and they've changed formation and capitalised. They also hit the bar at one stage I think and Micah pulled off a great save to keep us in it. We had a few guilt edged opportunities at the other end but nothing as clear cut as earlier in the game.
So there you have it, we were masterful, creative team players in the first half reduced to a reasonably futile mess by the end. We threw away a game that 5 years ago would have been a fantastic achievement to draw 5-5 with GPR. Now we're gutted when we should have taken a team to the cleaners and back again, but next time we wont sit there and wait for their clothes to tumble dry. Sh it, poorly executed analogies. Magic.
So to sum up, we looked dangerous in front of goal but we were exposed at the back by the high ball and wayward clearances. Man of the match goes to new boy Andy W closely followed by t'other new boy Ross and soon to be stalwart, Tim.
Let's put it right next week boys.
Let's do the time warp again.
BS
Sunday 27 September 2009
Saturday 12 September vs Brentwood (Friendly)
Alright lads
We had our first friendly competition on Saturday at Market Road against Jonesy and Woody's Old Brentwood's team. Unfortunately, we lost 5-2 against a good passing side, although it could have been a closer result had we put away some of our chances, of which there were plenty, especially in the first half.
We had a lot of the possession during the game, we did some good moves ourselves and came close a number of times. We were unlucky to go in after the first half 2-0 nil down and could have even went ahead had we converted the chances. I could have put those 2 headers away in the 1st half, Ross nearly scored (with his first touch) running in to the box on the end of a ball in, Hudson put one over the bar after a brilliant ball in to the box by Dan and Dan himself had a header cleared off the line in the second half. So add them up as well as the 2 goals we got (one own goal and one great strike by Dan curling it around the defender in to the bottom corner from the edge of the box) and we should have won 7-5! Yeah, alright Coyley
We started really well and I saw enough to think we'll improve this season. There was some good link up play between myself and guy and the mid fielders at times and we had chances. The defence worked hard throughout and even though 5 goals were conceeded the blame doesn't just lie with the back line. I think the defence benefits with someone sitting in front and being disciplined enough to stay in that postion in order to allow the other mid fielders to push on and support the front line. We seem to suit 5 in the middle and this worked the second half of last season. Dan ended up in the anchor role quite alot and they ended up having quite alot of space in the middle. Sometimes our attacks broke down and they broke away fast and at times we only had one defender back. We shouldn't just leave one at the back, especially when we've won corners.
But that games gone now so we look to the next one against Scott Wilson on Wednesday night. We can have another crack at Jonesy's Brentwood's next season. This is another friendly game but it's important that everyone turns out for it so we can get used to playing together again, get used to passing it around, keeping possession, getting your touch back and doing some running.
Tuesday 31 March 2009
Sunday 22 May: vs FC National Regent's Park League
Well after a daft Sunday night out in Camden and nearly losing the old job on Monday apologies if my memory of the game is a bit hazy so any moments of brilliance anyone performed may well be glossed over. So think this is how the story goes;
So we all turned out on Sunday to glorious sunshine ready for some fine alliance champagne football. That thought was soon put to rest when we seen the state of the pitch which was harder than a teenage boy in a brothel. A strong line-up was picked with Berny in goals, Simon, Liam and Tim in defence, a packed midfield with Pete, Ian, Guy, Coyley, hairier Pete, and Micah up front with myself picking up a nice sun tan on the touch line. National seemed to have a stronger team than the previous week spear headed by a 9 year old laddy with wanky pink boots on.
So the game kicked off and the National put us under some early pressure using the wind to their advantage. Well into the half an extra player turned up for the National meaning we had only been playing ten men which had gone unnoticed by most. Everyone was working hard with Dan leading the way winning the majority of high balls in the middle of the park. The National picked up a free kick outside the box and the wee midget cleverly looped the ball over the wall but we were saved by the cross bar. The game carried on a bit scrappy with nothing really materialising. John was flexing his authority giving his 900th foul throw to us while kindly allowing the opposition of with much of the same. Paul got a bit riled at one of their blatant foul throws which John replied ‘well at least he made an effort’, sure that’s not official. More pressure followed from National with another long range effort striking the cross bar.
So half time 0-0. So far not a classic. Everyone was ready for an improved performance in the second half but not till after John had sucked back his 10th regal king size of the break. Aided by the wind we managed to start getting the ball down and playing some football. Some nice link up play with midfield and the forwards led to more efforts on goal and we started testing there shaky keeper. Coyley had a good effort saved and there were other attempts from Ian, Micah and Pete but none managing to find the back of the net.
At the other end Berny had little to do as the lads at the back kept the National quiet. Midway through the second half a quick change was made with the flying Scotsman coming on for Pete on the right wing. Soon after Ian looped an inch perfect ball over the top for me which then in my head was getting cracked into the top right corner but in reality ended up getting dolly dropped straight into the keeper’s hands.
Ten minutes remaining and it was decided to have a go and try and kill the game of. Simon was pushed up front and immediately the gamble paid of with Micah slotting home a scrappy goal from a few yards. Five minutes to go and it had looked like we had the game tied up. Tied up until one of their forwards took a pot shot from outside the box and the ball cruelly sailed into the bottom left corner (Ed. I may have left that one go thinking it was going to hit Darty in the front bottom on the other side of the goal. Whoops.) Cheeky bastards.
So final whistle and one each, think we probably deserved the game for our second half performance but at least the unbeaten run continues. MOM tough call as everyone grafted hard but probably give it to Micah for top effort and getting the goal. Roll on Perfidious.
So we all turned out on Sunday to glorious sunshine ready for some fine alliance champagne football. That thought was soon put to rest when we seen the state of the pitch which was harder than a teenage boy in a brothel. A strong line-up was picked with Berny in goals, Simon, Liam and Tim in defence, a packed midfield with Pete, Ian, Guy, Coyley, hairier Pete, and Micah up front with myself picking up a nice sun tan on the touch line. National seemed to have a stronger team than the previous week spear headed by a 9 year old laddy with wanky pink boots on.
So the game kicked off and the National put us under some early pressure using the wind to their advantage. Well into the half an extra player turned up for the National meaning we had only been playing ten men which had gone unnoticed by most. Everyone was working hard with Dan leading the way winning the majority of high balls in the middle of the park. The National picked up a free kick outside the box and the wee midget cleverly looped the ball over the wall but we were saved by the cross bar. The game carried on a bit scrappy with nothing really materialising. John was flexing his authority giving his 900th foul throw to us while kindly allowing the opposition of with much of the same. Paul got a bit riled at one of their blatant foul throws which John replied ‘well at least he made an effort’, sure that’s not official. More pressure followed from National with another long range effort striking the cross bar.
So half time 0-0. So far not a classic. Everyone was ready for an improved performance in the second half but not till after John had sucked back his 10th regal king size of the break. Aided by the wind we managed to start getting the ball down and playing some football. Some nice link up play with midfield and the forwards led to more efforts on goal and we started testing there shaky keeper. Coyley had a good effort saved and there were other attempts from Ian, Micah and Pete but none managing to find the back of the net.
At the other end Berny had little to do as the lads at the back kept the National quiet. Midway through the second half a quick change was made with the flying Scotsman coming on for Pete on the right wing. Soon after Ian looped an inch perfect ball over the top for me which then in my head was getting cracked into the top right corner but in reality ended up getting dolly dropped straight into the keeper’s hands.
Ten minutes remaining and it was decided to have a go and try and kill the game of. Simon was pushed up front and immediately the gamble paid of with Micah slotting home a scrappy goal from a few yards. Five minutes to go and it had looked like we had the game tied up. Tied up until one of their forwards took a pot shot from outside the box and the ball cruelly sailed into the bottom left corner (Ed. I may have left that one go thinking it was going to hit Darty in the front bottom on the other side of the goal. Whoops.) Cheeky bastards.
So final whistle and one each, think we probably deserved the game for our second half performance but at least the unbeaten run continues. MOM tough call as everyone grafted hard but probably give it to Micah for top effort and getting the goal. Roll on Perfidious.
Thursday 19 March 2009
14 March vs FC National (a) (but kind of at home Regent's Park)
So I'm pedalling hard through Camden with Regents Park in my sights when straight out of nowhere a word pops into my head - ‘Titfer’ - hits me like a psychic bullet in the back my head from nowhere... Funny that, how things just pop into your head sometimes, voices and stuff, what the fuc ks that all about? So I’m mulling over the strange word in various Rowan Atkinson voices as I’m closing in on the hub – titfer, titferrr, tit-fur? tit for tat, hat, nope, still makes bugger all sense...why??
And then I walk in the changing room and there sits Bernie sporting a brand new hat, a beautifully iconic, fu ck off warm brown trilby with sepia details crowning a big smile on DR’s boat. What kind of coincidence is that, I ask you. Phew, anyway, now I get it, it’s a sign, a premonition, shouldn’t ignore signs, just ask Coyley about the mice and men pre matcher, bullet in the head an all that.... especially before a game, risky.
So here we go then, tit for tat, he wears a new hat, today Bernie isn’t on the pitch, whats in store, he’s wearing a different hat, the manager's hat...the plot thickens...Tit for tat? isn't that another way of saying what comes around goes around – hmmm I'm thinking resurgence, its our time to resurge, and we've had some bad luck lets face it.The mood is light as the nets fly up but Bernie’s in heavy conflab with the skipper. At least half an hour later they break from the huddle and the all new Berniemanager furnishes us with a well polished masterplan to unlock another glorious victory.
The strongest Alliance line up ever listen intently to the bosses measured tactical zen and watch meanly as the InterMilanese lookalike refugees limp into the other half - ‘they’re all over the shop’ muses the boss... Glaring on were - Big Eddie filling the goal mouth, Gibbsy and Liam right and left with Tim's big arse in the middle – 3 at the back, liking this... hovering malevolently in the middle are Hudson, Dan, and Simon, looking good.Iain and Pete, tinkering and tampering with National’s nuts up the flanks. Captain Coyle and Micah, if there was a fight in a pub I know where I’d be stood.Steve, Colin, James, oozing quality and quantity on the bench.And whats more, everyone fulfilled their destiny on this fine day, written out already as it was.
John’s on the whistle and we played some great football on our beloved lovely grass pitch in the sunshine, truly, quintessential English (sorry Col) Sunday League.Our nerve was good, we held it together, communication was good, confidence was growing. Bernie’s direction from the touchline was making a difference, the hat was making a difference, confident, colourful, some would say (and did) that it was showboating. Capitan Coyle has a few pops that could easily slide in but swerve cruelly wide. Finally its Dan who buries the first one after a sustained period of gutsy pressure that pinned National in their own half for longer and longer periods before the inevitable. It looks like great stuff, a powerhouse team performance and great individual efforts collaborating to demoralise and outplay the Natioanles, and now they were knackered.Ours was a well earned goal, deserved you could say, nothing like the shi te penalty they Morten Gamst Pedersoned. Tim took it in his pragmatic stride but I could see he was gutted, were we going to get done again by a team that didn't earn it, can the footie Gods be that mean? 1-1 Half time and the sun goes in....
We switch ends and we've got wind in our faces and we're kicking uphill, (wheres the lovely quintessential bo llocks now ed) Strangely I dont feel that familiar sense of foreboding, I can hear 3 points, and buckets of belief from everyone. We stomp out and the second half sees much of the same ballsy head to head, Hudson leading by example and gets a yellow for getting well stuck in, there are warnings from John to other Alliance enforcers stepping over the mark. Play switches effeortlessly from left to right, we snuff out everything they chuck at us, everyone defends, everyone pushes out to strike back, good patterning I'd say, ask the Hat, whose inspired substitutions by the way tee up the next sequence of events. Timing it perfectly the fresh NA legs are taking it out of the flagging blues and Dan's in again this time with a juicy little lob over the orange keeper and it's 2-1. Give them their dues they kept havin a go and got pretty close, but there was no submission, no surrender, even at our usual vulnerable 5 minutes to go to meltdown moment. Eddie's last goal kick cues the final whistle and another victory for the yellers, 2 fu ckin 1. What a great game. What a great titfer, got to take your hat of to him eh?
Man of the match is as hard as ever, but thinking hard about it, it'd be 'The Northern Alliance' cos everyone of you threw 110 percent at it for the total 90. Oh, and if you do experience little voices in your head, especially if you're on your bike, dont panic, just share it with the group, its probably quite important.
This is Gibbsy, signing off.
And then I walk in the changing room and there sits Bernie sporting a brand new hat, a beautifully iconic, fu ck off warm brown trilby with sepia details crowning a big smile on DR’s boat. What kind of coincidence is that, I ask you. Phew, anyway, now I get it, it’s a sign, a premonition, shouldn’t ignore signs, just ask Coyley about the mice and men pre matcher, bullet in the head an all that.... especially before a game, risky.
So here we go then, tit for tat, he wears a new hat, today Bernie isn’t on the pitch, whats in store, he’s wearing a different hat, the manager's hat...the plot thickens...Tit for tat? isn't that another way of saying what comes around goes around – hmmm I'm thinking resurgence, its our time to resurge, and we've had some bad luck lets face it.The mood is light as the nets fly up but Bernie’s in heavy conflab with the skipper. At least half an hour later they break from the huddle and the all new Berniemanager furnishes us with a well polished masterplan to unlock another glorious victory.
The strongest Alliance line up ever listen intently to the bosses measured tactical zen and watch meanly as the InterMilanese lookalike refugees limp into the other half - ‘they’re all over the shop’ muses the boss... Glaring on were - Big Eddie filling the goal mouth, Gibbsy and Liam right and left with Tim's big arse in the middle – 3 at the back, liking this... hovering malevolently in the middle are Hudson, Dan, and Simon, looking good.Iain and Pete, tinkering and tampering with National’s nuts up the flanks. Captain Coyle and Micah, if there was a fight in a pub I know where I’d be stood.Steve, Colin, James, oozing quality and quantity on the bench.And whats more, everyone fulfilled their destiny on this fine day, written out already as it was.
John’s on the whistle and we played some great football on our beloved lovely grass pitch in the sunshine, truly, quintessential English (sorry Col) Sunday League.Our nerve was good, we held it together, communication was good, confidence was growing. Bernie’s direction from the touchline was making a difference, the hat was making a difference, confident, colourful, some would say (and did) that it was showboating. Capitan Coyle has a few pops that could easily slide in but swerve cruelly wide. Finally its Dan who buries the first one after a sustained period of gutsy pressure that pinned National in their own half for longer and longer periods before the inevitable. It looks like great stuff, a powerhouse team performance and great individual efforts collaborating to demoralise and outplay the Natioanles, and now they were knackered.Ours was a well earned goal, deserved you could say, nothing like the shi te penalty they Morten Gamst Pedersoned. Tim took it in his pragmatic stride but I could see he was gutted, were we going to get done again by a team that didn't earn it, can the footie Gods be that mean? 1-1 Half time and the sun goes in....
We switch ends and we've got wind in our faces and we're kicking uphill, (wheres the lovely quintessential bo llocks now ed) Strangely I dont feel that familiar sense of foreboding, I can hear 3 points, and buckets of belief from everyone. We stomp out and the second half sees much of the same ballsy head to head, Hudson leading by example and gets a yellow for getting well stuck in, there are warnings from John to other Alliance enforcers stepping over the mark. Play switches effeortlessly from left to right, we snuff out everything they chuck at us, everyone defends, everyone pushes out to strike back, good patterning I'd say, ask the Hat, whose inspired substitutions by the way tee up the next sequence of events. Timing it perfectly the fresh NA legs are taking it out of the flagging blues and Dan's in again this time with a juicy little lob over the orange keeper and it's 2-1. Give them their dues they kept havin a go and got pretty close, but there was no submission, no surrender, even at our usual vulnerable 5 minutes to go to meltdown moment. Eddie's last goal kick cues the final whistle and another victory for the yellers, 2 fu ckin 1. What a great game. What a great titfer, got to take your hat of to him eh?
Man of the match is as hard as ever, but thinking hard about it, it'd be 'The Northern Alliance' cos everyone of you threw 110 percent at it for the total 90. Oh, and if you do experience little voices in your head, especially if you're on your bike, dont panic, just share it with the group, its probably quite important.
This is Gibbsy, signing off.
Tuesday 10 March 2009
8th March vs The Jokers (h): League
So this is what happens after we win is it? Friday afternoon and only seven plucky volunteers for the approaching Sunday fixture with Jokers / Inter Milan. Would we have to concede the game? Or would we turn out with a new-look Northern Alliance and deeply wish we had never bothered? Well I’ll be honest with you, for about 43 of the first 45 minutes I would have given anything to be at home, laughing into my mug of tea as the sleet pelted my window in a force 9 gale. How smug you stay-at-home b astards must have felt! But I don’t bear a grudge, so here’s how it happened:
As usual, at the allotted hour of 1.30, Bernie the timekeeper was nowhere to be seen. Only Iain, Micah’s Bionic Shoulder and new fella Sam so far, and Hudson laid on the bench moaning about his two hours sleep. Or more precisely moaning about having to play football after only two hours sleep. Bernie did turn up eventually though – carrying the kit bag, the nets, his kit, and four more Alliance newcomers in his back pocket. They were Other Pete, Ross, Matt and Nos.
Sunday had started brightly, and the sun shone until exactly two seconds before we stepped outside to warm up. Then it started raining big flat cold blobby rain drops propelled by a vicious arctic wind while we struggled hanging the stupid b astard nets. All around the field shaky little bodies stuffed extra layers under their sodden footy tops, squinting into the sleet.
John Hall blew for KO and we lined up something like this: Eddie in goal, Bernie, Dan, New Pete, Pete, Iain, Nos, Ross, Sam and Hudson (6 in midfield) with Micah alone up front with Matt on the bench.
The wind and rain somehow managed to blow in my face no matter which way I looked and within a minute of the whistle my socks were squelching with cold filthy mud. A ferocious explosion of thunder and lightning underlined what a right laugh god was having at our pathetic expense. Bernie is a wise man and trotted after John whispering that the pitch was unplayable, and he ought to call the game off. Well god and John Hall clearly have something in common, and it’s an evil sense of humour, so we played on. Buckets of early rain ensured we were all well soaked in time for the sub zero gales to start sapping every last ounce of strength, ability, and the will to live. If that Christmas match with the Germans in 1914 was anything like this, I can understand why they decided to spend another four years sitting in shell holes eating rat stew, offering themselves up as machine gun fodder. As we battled the wind and rain, somehow the Alliance applied some early pressure as the contingent of new men gelled nicely, threading some probing passes through the muck. Nos was forced to leave the field after 10 mins spent mainly on his arse, on account of wearing trainers, and Matt stepped boldly / coldly into the breach.
The Jokers are a team that likes to move the ball around smartly, and their obvious attacking quality was partially stifled by the sh itty weather. But it didn’t stop their forwards running about in the most ludicrous shapes all over the pitch. Me and Bernie were having great fun chasing the little Italians about for a while, until Dan pointed out we might as well just save energy and leave them to it.
Neither side appeared to be dominating the half as we traded attacks, but the Alliance did have a couple of let-offs as the wind buffeted the ball all over the place, and Eddie made the tightest of finger tip saves. Eventually some goal mouth confusion led to them nicking a soft goal, not entirely against run of play. How it happened I couldn’t tell you exactly, but we were all kind of rooted to the spot and just watched the ball roll into the net.
Mainly thanks to Micah’s ceaseless bellowed encouragement, we didn’t let our heads drop. The strong wind against us stifled Eddie’s kicks a bit but Micah got on the end of a few, heroically running against the shaky Jokers defence. The new lads were providing some classy link-up play over on the right and we forced a couple of corners and several (foul) throws from good positions. One such attack saw us causing problems in their box, when a Joker half-clearance appeared to have scuppered our chance.
Cue 100% commitment from Micah, who just made it to the by-line in time to whip in a dangerous cross. The hapless Jokers defender scrambled for a panicky clearance from 6 yards and walloped it smartly into his own net, despite the fact there were no Alliance shirts for 15 yards. 1-1, thank you very much. 23 men hobbled around the mud on frozen limbs for another 10 minutes until half time, and would you believe it, I think the sun almost came out for a moment. A metaphorical sun would have shone had Hudson's shot gone in and not been tipped round the post late in the first half.
Bernie’s half-time advice was to keep warm, which wrongly implied we might be warm already. Hudson had the good sense to cry off (his Spartycus moment never really taking off) and let Tim come on in central defence for the re-start. Frankly, it was anyone’s game and no-one’s at the same time. It seemed we had the beating of them on the right side of midfield and up front (ie. anywhere I wasn’t involved) while they had some flashy short Italian players in their attack, running rings around us. One of them even had the cheek to wear a hat for the remainder of the game.
But for all our pressure and loose balls in the box, there weren’t really any chances coming. Dan had a speculative effort from distance that the wind carried just over, I punted well wide of the near post after a corner, and a series of promising moves never quite delivered the final ball.
Meanwhile at the other end, Eddie demonstrated what a vital part of the Alliance he is, calmly gathering shots from all over that skittered on the slippery surface. Jokers squandered a few chances being a bit to busy with the back-heels and endless mazy runs. A couple of these attacks were snuffed out neatly on the edge of the box by good no-nonsense tackling from no-nonsense Dan – the second tackle earning him a note in John’s book. But Jokers still failed to convert any chances just as much as we did, and a gaping hole opened in the midfield as both teams hoofed the ball to their respective forwards.
As the time ticked by a sense of last-minute urgency took hold, afflicting Jokers’ keeper with a short bout of hysterics as John awarded a (probably) perfectly legitimate kick to us near the half way line. Iain had a frank exchange of views with their mad Northern Irish left winger, and Micah crouched down to square up to the 4ft 3in centre forward. But it never really turned nasty – we were all too damn cold.
With five minutes remaining I think we all privately considered the frost-bitten agony we had endured for the past hour and a half, and resolved that losing the match at this stage would be a bit too much to cope with. So those numb joints carried us on to battle and hoof wildly for a few minutes more until John did the decent thing, and blew his whistle on a 1-1 draw. I was pleased just to have survived with all my fingers and toes still attached.
As Bernie reflected after the game, we’re on a run now: that’s four points from two games. And next weekend’s my birthday so I’ll be out for a few pints, win lose or draw. Not that we’re going to lose (Ed. Too right, I smell blood again)
Tough call for man of the match this week. First of all, I extend a big thank you to the five new lads who turned out, saved our skin and worked harder than anyone could reasonably expect in difficult circumstances. Especially considering Steve had told them it was just “a kickabout in the park”. For my money, MOM honours are split between Eddie for keeping us in contention against the odds, Dan for showing everyone else how to put your foot through the ball when it counts, and Micah for having the determination to get a cross converted, even when there was no-one from his team in the box to aim at.
Pete.
As usual, at the allotted hour of 1.30, Bernie the timekeeper was nowhere to be seen. Only Iain, Micah’s Bionic Shoulder and new fella Sam so far, and Hudson laid on the bench moaning about his two hours sleep. Or more precisely moaning about having to play football after only two hours sleep. Bernie did turn up eventually though – carrying the kit bag, the nets, his kit, and four more Alliance newcomers in his back pocket. They were Other Pete, Ross, Matt and Nos.
Sunday had started brightly, and the sun shone until exactly two seconds before we stepped outside to warm up. Then it started raining big flat cold blobby rain drops propelled by a vicious arctic wind while we struggled hanging the stupid b astard nets. All around the field shaky little bodies stuffed extra layers under their sodden footy tops, squinting into the sleet.
John Hall blew for KO and we lined up something like this: Eddie in goal, Bernie, Dan, New Pete, Pete, Iain, Nos, Ross, Sam and Hudson (6 in midfield) with Micah alone up front with Matt on the bench.
The wind and rain somehow managed to blow in my face no matter which way I looked and within a minute of the whistle my socks were squelching with cold filthy mud. A ferocious explosion of thunder and lightning underlined what a right laugh god was having at our pathetic expense. Bernie is a wise man and trotted after John whispering that the pitch was unplayable, and he ought to call the game off. Well god and John Hall clearly have something in common, and it’s an evil sense of humour, so we played on. Buckets of early rain ensured we were all well soaked in time for the sub zero gales to start sapping every last ounce of strength, ability, and the will to live. If that Christmas match with the Germans in 1914 was anything like this, I can understand why they decided to spend another four years sitting in shell holes eating rat stew, offering themselves up as machine gun fodder. As we battled the wind and rain, somehow the Alliance applied some early pressure as the contingent of new men gelled nicely, threading some probing passes through the muck. Nos was forced to leave the field after 10 mins spent mainly on his arse, on account of wearing trainers, and Matt stepped boldly / coldly into the breach.
The Jokers are a team that likes to move the ball around smartly, and their obvious attacking quality was partially stifled by the sh itty weather. But it didn’t stop their forwards running about in the most ludicrous shapes all over the pitch. Me and Bernie were having great fun chasing the little Italians about for a while, until Dan pointed out we might as well just save energy and leave them to it.
Neither side appeared to be dominating the half as we traded attacks, but the Alliance did have a couple of let-offs as the wind buffeted the ball all over the place, and Eddie made the tightest of finger tip saves. Eventually some goal mouth confusion led to them nicking a soft goal, not entirely against run of play. How it happened I couldn’t tell you exactly, but we were all kind of rooted to the spot and just watched the ball roll into the net.
Mainly thanks to Micah’s ceaseless bellowed encouragement, we didn’t let our heads drop. The strong wind against us stifled Eddie’s kicks a bit but Micah got on the end of a few, heroically running against the shaky Jokers defence. The new lads were providing some classy link-up play over on the right and we forced a couple of corners and several (foul) throws from good positions. One such attack saw us causing problems in their box, when a Joker half-clearance appeared to have scuppered our chance.
Cue 100% commitment from Micah, who just made it to the by-line in time to whip in a dangerous cross. The hapless Jokers defender scrambled for a panicky clearance from 6 yards and walloped it smartly into his own net, despite the fact there were no Alliance shirts for 15 yards. 1-1, thank you very much. 23 men hobbled around the mud on frozen limbs for another 10 minutes until half time, and would you believe it, I think the sun almost came out for a moment. A metaphorical sun would have shone had Hudson's shot gone in and not been tipped round the post late in the first half.
Bernie’s half-time advice was to keep warm, which wrongly implied we might be warm already. Hudson had the good sense to cry off (his Spartycus moment never really taking off) and let Tim come on in central defence for the re-start. Frankly, it was anyone’s game and no-one’s at the same time. It seemed we had the beating of them on the right side of midfield and up front (ie. anywhere I wasn’t involved) while they had some flashy short Italian players in their attack, running rings around us. One of them even had the cheek to wear a hat for the remainder of the game.
But for all our pressure and loose balls in the box, there weren’t really any chances coming. Dan had a speculative effort from distance that the wind carried just over, I punted well wide of the near post after a corner, and a series of promising moves never quite delivered the final ball.
Meanwhile at the other end, Eddie demonstrated what a vital part of the Alliance he is, calmly gathering shots from all over that skittered on the slippery surface. Jokers squandered a few chances being a bit to busy with the back-heels and endless mazy runs. A couple of these attacks were snuffed out neatly on the edge of the box by good no-nonsense tackling from no-nonsense Dan – the second tackle earning him a note in John’s book. But Jokers still failed to convert any chances just as much as we did, and a gaping hole opened in the midfield as both teams hoofed the ball to their respective forwards.
As the time ticked by a sense of last-minute urgency took hold, afflicting Jokers’ keeper with a short bout of hysterics as John awarded a (probably) perfectly legitimate kick to us near the half way line. Iain had a frank exchange of views with their mad Northern Irish left winger, and Micah crouched down to square up to the 4ft 3in centre forward. But it never really turned nasty – we were all too damn cold.
With five minutes remaining I think we all privately considered the frost-bitten agony we had endured for the past hour and a half, and resolved that losing the match at this stage would be a bit too much to cope with. So those numb joints carried us on to battle and hoof wildly for a few minutes more until John did the decent thing, and blew his whistle on a 1-1 draw. I was pleased just to have survived with all my fingers and toes still attached.
As Bernie reflected after the game, we’re on a run now: that’s four points from two games. And next weekend’s my birthday so I’ll be out for a few pints, win lose or draw. Not that we’re going to lose (Ed. Too right, I smell blood again)
Tough call for man of the match this week. First of all, I extend a big thank you to the five new lads who turned out, saved our skin and worked harder than anyone could reasonably expect in difficult circumstances. Especially considering Steve had told them it was just “a kickabout in the park”. For my money, MOM honours are split between Eddie for keeping us in contention against the odds, Dan for showing everyone else how to put your foot through the ball when it counts, and Micah for having the determination to get a cross converted, even when there was no-one from his team in the box to aim at.
Pete.
Sunday 1 March 2009
28 February 2009 vs Shanty Town (a): League: Market Road
As Dan pointed out it was a game of two halves, and as I pointed out, I was the causal link between the two halves of football and the outcome of the game.
First half:
Team: Eddie, Ian (Simon’s mate), Liam, Tim, Colin, Simon, Dan, Steve, Guy, Paul Sub: Bernie
Score: 1-1
Second half:
Team: Eddie, Ian, Liam Tim, Bernie (on for Colin), Simon, Dan, Steve, Guy, Paul
Score: 5-0
Final score: 6-1 (this section is for those who are more words than numbers)
You can’t argue with what I’m saying there can you boys?
So how did the Alliance’s first win of the season materialise? Has the Smith/Coyle dream team finally found the winning formula?
In the post match press conference, skipper Coyle spoke to journalists eager to here the contributing factors to the victory; ‘we’ve been threatening to do that for a few weeks now…it was only a matter of time before we gave someone a good hiding. There’s a long way to go to get us out of this relegation battle, we’ll enjoy a drink tonight and the goals on MOTD, then it’s back to work on Monday for next week’s game’. The press went on to question Coyle about his recent stress busting break in the Gambia and next week’s scouting mission to Eastern Europe. But then the camera’s roared, and the gentlemen of the press rose as one, of course, there was now a Smith amongst us…
So we set up with the new and innovative 3-6-1 which had served us well in the unlucky defeat against Fowlers in the cup. With Micah sidelined, Coyley, bronzed and fresh from his aforementioned Gambian adventure, stepped into the striking birth with Guy plying his trade in front of the midfield.
The game was scrappy to start with and we weren’t looking as assured as last week at the back. Different team, different surface, different personnel perhaps but whatever the reasons we were getting cut open by Shanty Town. And we were making them look good. Coyley was getting isolated and Steve didn’t know who to mark in the middle. Having said all that on a rare foray into the box from the Alliance, I think Ian (Simon’s mate), was fouled (but I stand corrected). Simon, the Alliance’s first choice penalty taker, stepped up to slot home. 1-0.
Before and after we scored Shanty Town had the ball in the back of the net a couple of times but were ruled off side by John Hall – they didn’t look that offside but I couldn’t tell from the sidelines. We got lucky as they picked us off at will.
From the sidelines, the tactical mechanics of my mind were working over time to find an even more complicated formation to communicate to the team. In the end I decided on reverting to a more conventional 4-5-1 with Colin and Ian as full backs. With the Alliance I’ve realised if things aren’t working make a change, in the rest of my life I flog a bad decision to death then change my mind after it’s too late to make a change. But my ruthless streak emerges on the sidelines so I made a change. Shortly after this change, the score also changed. 1-1. A ball over the top of the flat back four I’d changed found our defenders chasing one of their players who was one on one with Eddie. Eddie came half way then cemented himself to the penalty spot leaning against a ‘Entry forbidden’ sign. Unfortunately, their player ignored or did not see this sign which gave the big man no option than to bring him down. They converted the penalty.
At half time we re-grouped, and I reminded our lot we’d got away with it as we could and should have been two or three down. Luckily we weren’t, so we sounded the battle cry and vowed to put them to the sword. I smelt blood…although most of the team had cut their respective knees open by this point so it really was no surprise. Smithy stepped in for Colin who’d tweaked a muscle. We needed to get the ball on the deck and take it to ‘em.
Smithy immediately added to the composure and experience of the team, setting the tone with some sharp passing moves with Pete, Guy, Coyley et al. We were still a bit flat footed at the back and they caused a few problems in the first ten minutes but they wasteful up front and again we escaped. Then things changed, the smell of our bloody knees was suffocated by the smell of poo as the Alliance ‘ripped them apart’ with a series of really, rather intricate passing moves.
To take us 2-1 up, a smart pass down the left (nb that’s where I was mostly hanging out readers, so I wonder who did that? I cant keep referring to my direct influence but take it as red that a lot of the best stuff was coming down the left hand side of the pitch. I should point out I was aided and abetted by m’learned colleague, Mr Pete Stupple) found it’s way to Steve or Guy or they passed to each other. Now think World Cup 1970, the ball is passed a long the area until Carlos Alberto arrives down the right and powers home. So we had a portly version of Alberto arriving, who described it as a ‘classic Monahan finish’, to put us 2-1 up. But this was sure aint no disco at this point.
Another pass down the left led to Guy feeding Paul to score our third and suddenly we’re winning and with some style. We’re passing, moving and hungry for it. They are arguing between themselves and we’re heading for victory. Shortly after we had a corner or a ball from the right from Ian – Simon’s mate – who can be very pleased with his debut for the Alliance – marauding up the right flank and putting in dangerous crosses. After a scramble in the box the ball looped up and as it came down Steve volleyed in – there was no margin for error in the direction as there were plenty of bodies and only a small part of the goal to aim at but it found its way in. 4-1. When your two bit, good for nothing dirt bag of a cousin starts scoring goals for fun as Big Ron would have put it then you know it’s going to be your day. We were nearly ready for a disco by this point but still had to be alert. They’d stuck on their big forward (who amusingly pointed out that he came on at 2-1, and when he said it, it was 5-1) and were still having a go but Liam, Tim, Ian and that rather charismatic, dangerously good looking one down the left kept it tight. Pete helped too.
Then it was just like watching Brazil, well a fat imposter version of Brazil, as the Alliance started shooting at will. Yes that’s at will. Not a bloke called Will who we took a dislike to, and if there had been a brothel on the pitch even Coyley would have probably dipped his wick. Simon and Paul both had efforts turned round by their keeper and Guy was free and running a mock. Pete was doing a lot of leg work up and down the flanks and linking well with the forwards while Simon and Dan made sure the gates to the Alliance Country house were locked. I cant remember the sequence of play but the ball came to Ian on the right flank and he put in a cross cum shot (all over her face) which out did their keeper and number 5 is alive for the Alliance. And it could have been more, so many more. To give you an idea Paul was chipping the ball to the edge of the area for Guy to have Scholesyesque pop shots at goal. We were walking (thankfully for once) in an Alliance wonderland.
And there was one more. I can say without doubt that we saved the best til last. I’ve seen some good goals playing for the Alliance and I’ve no doubt the year before I played where the Lesley Dart / Los Bodious partnership of the now legendary, potentially mythical 2001/2 season saw some belters as apparently they both scored 25 each (chinny reck on). And Coyley, when he was in his pomp and without the pressures of captaincy/management on his shoulders, scored a last minute equaliser from miles out against FC National at Hackney Marshes. But I think Guy’s effort is the best goal I’ve seen for the Alliance (well from what I can remember) – the ball popped out of the area and in some sort of Daniel LaRusso kick that would have given Mr Miyagi plenty of reasons to re-wax the fence, Guy volleyed in mid flight and put it under the cross bar. The keeper wouldn’t have sin it on the action replay. It was a seaming rosner make no mistake and that was that. Phew! 6-1 and three very valuable points for the Alliance cause (which if any of you weren’t aware was not to finish bottom for the second year in a row, but still go to the pub occasionally).
Full time and off we trotted to the pub – where sandwiches and some slightly dubious looking sausages were laid on for us seemingly just for drinking – for general back slapping and merriment. We headed to the Big Chill Bar to carry on the celebrations and watch the girls go by, and my word that’s given us some material for a few weeks. Unless of course you have a mentalist booty call at your beck and call. We’ll miss Simon’s love life updates during his West African partnership mission as we seek to grow the Alliance brand overseas.
A great team performance, Eddie didn’t have too much to do, due to the steely concentration of Tim and Liam. Some responsibility in midfield as Dan and Simon took it in turns to hold. A great debut from Ian, Coyley did some sturling stuff. Steve ran all game (and got a deserved goal), Pete linked up well and did some of my running too, but in the end Guy gets MOM for creativity, control and for a finish you don’t see very often. At least not in our golden amber Saturday afternoon dreams….
Forza Alliance.
First half:
Team: Eddie, Ian (Simon’s mate), Liam, Tim, Colin, Simon, Dan, Steve, Guy, Paul Sub: Bernie
Score: 1-1
Second half:
Team: Eddie, Ian, Liam Tim, Bernie (on for Colin), Simon, Dan, Steve, Guy, Paul
Score: 5-0
Final score: 6-1 (this section is for those who are more words than numbers)
You can’t argue with what I’m saying there can you boys?
So how did the Alliance’s first win of the season materialise? Has the Smith/Coyle dream team finally found the winning formula?
In the post match press conference, skipper Coyle spoke to journalists eager to here the contributing factors to the victory; ‘we’ve been threatening to do that for a few weeks now…it was only a matter of time before we gave someone a good hiding. There’s a long way to go to get us out of this relegation battle, we’ll enjoy a drink tonight and the goals on MOTD, then it’s back to work on Monday for next week’s game’. The press went on to question Coyle about his recent stress busting break in the Gambia and next week’s scouting mission to Eastern Europe. But then the camera’s roared, and the gentlemen of the press rose as one, of course, there was now a Smith amongst us…
So we set up with the new and innovative 3-6-1 which had served us well in the unlucky defeat against Fowlers in the cup. With Micah sidelined, Coyley, bronzed and fresh from his aforementioned Gambian adventure, stepped into the striking birth with Guy plying his trade in front of the midfield.
The game was scrappy to start with and we weren’t looking as assured as last week at the back. Different team, different surface, different personnel perhaps but whatever the reasons we were getting cut open by Shanty Town. And we were making them look good. Coyley was getting isolated and Steve didn’t know who to mark in the middle. Having said all that on a rare foray into the box from the Alliance, I think Ian (Simon’s mate), was fouled (but I stand corrected). Simon, the Alliance’s first choice penalty taker, stepped up to slot home. 1-0.
Before and after we scored Shanty Town had the ball in the back of the net a couple of times but were ruled off side by John Hall – they didn’t look that offside but I couldn’t tell from the sidelines. We got lucky as they picked us off at will.
From the sidelines, the tactical mechanics of my mind were working over time to find an even more complicated formation to communicate to the team. In the end I decided on reverting to a more conventional 4-5-1 with Colin and Ian as full backs. With the Alliance I’ve realised if things aren’t working make a change, in the rest of my life I flog a bad decision to death then change my mind after it’s too late to make a change. But my ruthless streak emerges on the sidelines so I made a change. Shortly after this change, the score also changed. 1-1. A ball over the top of the flat back four I’d changed found our defenders chasing one of their players who was one on one with Eddie. Eddie came half way then cemented himself to the penalty spot leaning against a ‘Entry forbidden’ sign. Unfortunately, their player ignored or did not see this sign which gave the big man no option than to bring him down. They converted the penalty.
At half time we re-grouped, and I reminded our lot we’d got away with it as we could and should have been two or three down. Luckily we weren’t, so we sounded the battle cry and vowed to put them to the sword. I smelt blood…although most of the team had cut their respective knees open by this point so it really was no surprise. Smithy stepped in for Colin who’d tweaked a muscle. We needed to get the ball on the deck and take it to ‘em.
Smithy immediately added to the composure and experience of the team, setting the tone with some sharp passing moves with Pete, Guy, Coyley et al. We were still a bit flat footed at the back and they caused a few problems in the first ten minutes but they wasteful up front and again we escaped. Then things changed, the smell of our bloody knees was suffocated by the smell of poo as the Alliance ‘ripped them apart’ with a series of really, rather intricate passing moves.
To take us 2-1 up, a smart pass down the left (nb that’s where I was mostly hanging out readers, so I wonder who did that? I cant keep referring to my direct influence but take it as red that a lot of the best stuff was coming down the left hand side of the pitch. I should point out I was aided and abetted by m’learned colleague, Mr Pete Stupple) found it’s way to Steve or Guy or they passed to each other. Now think World Cup 1970, the ball is passed a long the area until Carlos Alberto arrives down the right and powers home. So we had a portly version of Alberto arriving, who described it as a ‘classic Monahan finish’, to put us 2-1 up. But this was sure aint no disco at this point.
Another pass down the left led to Guy feeding Paul to score our third and suddenly we’re winning and with some style. We’re passing, moving and hungry for it. They are arguing between themselves and we’re heading for victory. Shortly after we had a corner or a ball from the right from Ian – Simon’s mate – who can be very pleased with his debut for the Alliance – marauding up the right flank and putting in dangerous crosses. After a scramble in the box the ball looped up and as it came down Steve volleyed in – there was no margin for error in the direction as there were plenty of bodies and only a small part of the goal to aim at but it found its way in. 4-1. When your two bit, good for nothing dirt bag of a cousin starts scoring goals for fun as Big Ron would have put it then you know it’s going to be your day. We were nearly ready for a disco by this point but still had to be alert. They’d stuck on their big forward (who amusingly pointed out that he came on at 2-1, and when he said it, it was 5-1) and were still having a go but Liam, Tim, Ian and that rather charismatic, dangerously good looking one down the left kept it tight. Pete helped too.
Then it was just like watching Brazil, well a fat imposter version of Brazil, as the Alliance started shooting at will. Yes that’s at will. Not a bloke called Will who we took a dislike to, and if there had been a brothel on the pitch even Coyley would have probably dipped his wick. Simon and Paul both had efforts turned round by their keeper and Guy was free and running a mock. Pete was doing a lot of leg work up and down the flanks and linking well with the forwards while Simon and Dan made sure the gates to the Alliance Country house were locked. I cant remember the sequence of play but the ball came to Ian on the right flank and he put in a cross cum shot (all over her face) which out did their keeper and number 5 is alive for the Alliance. And it could have been more, so many more. To give you an idea Paul was chipping the ball to the edge of the area for Guy to have Scholesyesque pop shots at goal. We were walking (thankfully for once) in an Alliance wonderland.
And there was one more. I can say without doubt that we saved the best til last. I’ve seen some good goals playing for the Alliance and I’ve no doubt the year before I played where the Lesley Dart / Los Bodious partnership of the now legendary, potentially mythical 2001/2 season saw some belters as apparently they both scored 25 each (chinny reck on). And Coyley, when he was in his pomp and without the pressures of captaincy/management on his shoulders, scored a last minute equaliser from miles out against FC National at Hackney Marshes. But I think Guy’s effort is the best goal I’ve seen for the Alliance (well from what I can remember) – the ball popped out of the area and in some sort of Daniel LaRusso kick that would have given Mr Miyagi plenty of reasons to re-wax the fence, Guy volleyed in mid flight and put it under the cross bar. The keeper wouldn’t have sin it on the action replay. It was a seaming rosner make no mistake and that was that. Phew! 6-1 and three very valuable points for the Alliance cause (which if any of you weren’t aware was not to finish bottom for the second year in a row, but still go to the pub occasionally).
Full time and off we trotted to the pub – where sandwiches and some slightly dubious looking sausages were laid on for us seemingly just for drinking – for general back slapping and merriment. We headed to the Big Chill Bar to carry on the celebrations and watch the girls go by, and my word that’s given us some material for a few weeks. Unless of course you have a mentalist booty call at your beck and call. We’ll miss Simon’s love life updates during his West African partnership mission as we seek to grow the Alliance brand overseas.
A great team performance, Eddie didn’t have too much to do, due to the steely concentration of Tim and Liam. Some responsibility in midfield as Dan and Simon took it in turns to hold. A great debut from Ian, Coyley did some sturling stuff. Steve ran all game (and got a deserved goal), Pete linked up well and did some of my running too, but in the end Guy gets MOM for creativity, control and for a finish you don’t see very often. At least not in our golden amber Saturday afternoon dreams….
Forza Alliance.
Wednesday 25 February 2009
Saturday 21st Feb vs Fowlers in the cup at Regent's Park
The omens were good. Bernie had opted for a coronation chicken sandwich before arriving at the changing room to ensure optimum digestion. Micah was shooting up in the changing room, and Hudson looked like he was relishing his renewed role of token team nut-job in Coyley’s absence (sunning himself in the Gambia, apparently fake tan and moisturiser just aren’t enough to keep the Coyley look fresh) Game on.
The Alliance started the match with an unorthodox 3-6-1 formation, with Micah playing the lone striker role. This proved to be a tactical masterstroke from Bernie as the Alliance dominated the opening proceedings, despite the distraction of Fowler’s fielding what appeared to be a Brazilian chimpanzee on the left wing. Unfortunately the pressure failed to count, and a swift Fowler’s counter-attack resulted in their captain putting the ball in the back of the net. A hammer blow for the Alliance.
However, the brave Alliance fought on, and their persistence was rewarded with a penalty following a clash of bodies in the area as Steve got sandwiched. Up stepped part time Peter Crouch body double Si to slot the ball confidently past the keeper. Si ran away, full of glee, whispering something under his breath along the lines of “I wish Coyley was here so I could rip the piss out of him” I think that’s what was heard anyway. Alliance’s African sources state at the exact moment the goal was scored a shiver went down Coyley’s spine followed by him muttering something incomprehensible in Geordie. The reports will be confirmed upon Coyley’s return.
Alliance’s glee was short lived however. After a scramble in the box in which a Fowler’s player somehow struck the crossbar from half a yard out, the ensuing madness resulted in Steve chesting the ball out of the area before clearing it. Bafflingly, the referee awarded a spot kick despite the ball clearly striking his chest (Ed. John was behind Steve so how he could see from there I dont know). The penalty was subsequently put away past a despairing Sanj dive. 2-1 to Fowler’s. Again their big, moaning captain.
Half time brought changes from the gaffer, with James being brought on into the wing back role, with Bernie returning to the bench to quietly chomp the bag of coronation chicken filling he had brought with him (Ed. And to nurse a poorly lower right leg - probably all those devishly curled free kicks into the box).
The 2nd half started off much as the 1st had passed, with lots of Alliance pressure. After approximately 20 minutes, we were back. An excellent corner delivery from newly engaged, ex-heroine addict and Instants guitarist Pete Stupple was flicked on by Si at the near post to find an unmarked Hudson at the far post who headed the ball into the onion bag. 2-2.
The game was fairly even from here on with both teams settling into a nice rhythm. Suddenly Fowler’s played a ball over the top which James looked to have covered. Unfortunately the hapless full back opted for a suicidal backpass instead of playing the ball out into touch, The ball was intercepted and within 10 seconds it was in the back of the net. 3-2 to Fowler’s (again their big oaf of a captain). That’ll teach Bernie for trying to get the defence to play football.
Northern Alliance continued to push for a deserved goal, putting substantial pressure on the defence. This was all hindered by Micah having dislocated his shoulder but bravely playing on - he popped it back in though and got on with it. Not before Fowler's manager, with his league secretary hat on pointed out there really was no reason for Micah to play on. Unfortunately the pressure failed to come off, and Fowler’s were awarded a late, late penalty when Colin jumped in the area and temporarily forgetting he was playing football, successfully high-fived the ball. Penalty, goal, and game over for the Alliance. And four for their captain.
All in all a disappointing result, but a thoroughly encouraging performance. Happiest man on the pitch was Sanj who achieved his new record for lowest goals conceded in a match for the Alliance: 4. David James, watch out. The defeat was also softened by the realisation that a victory would have meant nothing anyway due to the format of the cup. But never mind. Plenty of positives to be had from this game and the Alliance can rest safe in the knowledge that James is not even in the country for their next two games. Put it out of play boys. Put it out of play.
Addition from the ed, Bernie Smith. Plenty of positives from the game as James rightly points out and the new 3-6-1 formation shone through with Guy revelling in the his role playing off the striker. So man of the match goes to Guy. Hudson, Simon and Steve (who managed to chip a tooth for the Alliance cause) adapted well to the new formation and the defence didnt deserve to let in four.
The Alliance started the match with an unorthodox 3-6-1 formation, with Micah playing the lone striker role. This proved to be a tactical masterstroke from Bernie as the Alliance dominated the opening proceedings, despite the distraction of Fowler’s fielding what appeared to be a Brazilian chimpanzee on the left wing. Unfortunately the pressure failed to count, and a swift Fowler’s counter-attack resulted in their captain putting the ball in the back of the net. A hammer blow for the Alliance.
However, the brave Alliance fought on, and their persistence was rewarded with a penalty following a clash of bodies in the area as Steve got sandwiched. Up stepped part time Peter Crouch body double Si to slot the ball confidently past the keeper. Si ran away, full of glee, whispering something under his breath along the lines of “I wish Coyley was here so I could rip the piss out of him” I think that’s what was heard anyway. Alliance’s African sources state at the exact moment the goal was scored a shiver went down Coyley’s spine followed by him muttering something incomprehensible in Geordie. The reports will be confirmed upon Coyley’s return.
Alliance’s glee was short lived however. After a scramble in the box in which a Fowler’s player somehow struck the crossbar from half a yard out, the ensuing madness resulted in Steve chesting the ball out of the area before clearing it. Bafflingly, the referee awarded a spot kick despite the ball clearly striking his chest (Ed. John was behind Steve so how he could see from there I dont know). The penalty was subsequently put away past a despairing Sanj dive. 2-1 to Fowler’s. Again their big, moaning captain.
Half time brought changes from the gaffer, with James being brought on into the wing back role, with Bernie returning to the bench to quietly chomp the bag of coronation chicken filling he had brought with him (Ed. And to nurse a poorly lower right leg - probably all those devishly curled free kicks into the box).
The 2nd half started off much as the 1st had passed, with lots of Alliance pressure. After approximately 20 minutes, we were back. An excellent corner delivery from newly engaged, ex-heroine addict and Instants guitarist Pete Stupple was flicked on by Si at the near post to find an unmarked Hudson at the far post who headed the ball into the onion bag. 2-2.
The game was fairly even from here on with both teams settling into a nice rhythm. Suddenly Fowler’s played a ball over the top which James looked to have covered. Unfortunately the hapless full back opted for a suicidal backpass instead of playing the ball out into touch, The ball was intercepted and within 10 seconds it was in the back of the net. 3-2 to Fowler’s (again their big oaf of a captain). That’ll teach Bernie for trying to get the defence to play football.
Northern Alliance continued to push for a deserved goal, putting substantial pressure on the defence. This was all hindered by Micah having dislocated his shoulder but bravely playing on - he popped it back in though and got on with it. Not before Fowler's manager, with his league secretary hat on pointed out there really was no reason for Micah to play on. Unfortunately the pressure failed to come off, and Fowler’s were awarded a late, late penalty when Colin jumped in the area and temporarily forgetting he was playing football, successfully high-fived the ball. Penalty, goal, and game over for the Alliance. And four for their captain.
All in all a disappointing result, but a thoroughly encouraging performance. Happiest man on the pitch was Sanj who achieved his new record for lowest goals conceded in a match for the Alliance: 4. David James, watch out. The defeat was also softened by the realisation that a victory would have meant nothing anyway due to the format of the cup. But never mind. Plenty of positives to be had from this game and the Alliance can rest safe in the knowledge that James is not even in the country for their next two games. Put it out of play boys. Put it out of play.
Addition from the ed, Bernie Smith. Plenty of positives from the game as James rightly points out and the new 3-6-1 formation shone through with Guy revelling in the his role playing off the striker. So man of the match goes to Guy. Hudson, Simon and Steve (who managed to chip a tooth for the Alliance cause) adapted well to the new formation and the defence didnt deserve to let in four.
Tuesday 17 February 2009
Sunday 15th Feb: Strollers (H) League
Following Guy's decision that his numeracy skills were better put to ordering the shirts in the kit bag post wash it was left to the less numerate me to record Saturday's results for posterity.
After arriving approximately on time to the most impressive of facilities, Si and myself were met by a fully focused captain Coyley already talking game with the ref. Coyley's focus continued in the changing room where James was forced to change from his fetching blue shorts and socks into team standard black kit borrowed from the bottom of the kit bag. Si and myself looked on sheepishly with our navy blue socks but thankfully passed kit inspection, just.
The team that took the field were: 1.Sanj 2.Micah 3.James 4.Ian 5.Gibsy 6.Liam 7.Jeff 8.Hudson 9.Coyley 10.Si 11.Guy. After walking past London's finest players ( http://kickabouts.intheteam.com/modules/page/Page.aspx?pc=12140&mid=2445&pmid=0) and putting up the nets in a suitably homoerotic manner whilst being photographed by Micah the game got under way. The Alliance, like the weather, started brightly with captain Coyley launching what at first looked like a speculative effort towards the Strollers' goal which finished as an exquisitely struck dipping effort off the outside of his right foot that had their 'keeper in all sorts of trouble and looked for all the world that is was going to end up in the top corner until it was finally parried away to safety.
The rest of the first half was fairly even with the oppo attacking well down the wings and the Alliance building well through the center via Hudson and Ian. Guy and James down the left and Jeff and Micah down the right did a good job of fending off the Stroller's attack. Slowly the Stroller's pressure built and if it were not for some last ditch defending from Gibbsy and Jeff they would have taken the lead. Finally the pressure proved too much as Stroller's went 1-0 up just before half time. A seemingly harsh in-direct free kick was awarded in the area after an apparent foot up. A 5 man wall and everybody else on the line wasn't enough to prevent the ball being lashed into the top of the net.
That rather took the stuffing out of the team and an unusually circumspect half time talk from Coyley was sign enough that the Alliance being behind was not fully deserved. The second half went with the weather for the Alliance it just got greyer and more minging. Stroller's finally managed to break through Gibsy and Liam's damn like central defensive partnership to curl the ball past me and into, I'd like to hope, the top left corner to make it 2-0 (weather: dark grey skies). It was 3-0 after Stroller's broke down right for a simple tap in (weather: drizzle). The fourth followed moments after this time from a break down the left, Micah unfortunately deflecting, a most likely goal bound effort anyway, to just inside the near post in a last ditch attempt to tackle their striker(weather: persistent rain).
Then a piece of tactical wizardry brightened up the Alliance's half with Bernie switching to 3-5-2 with him coming on for James and Steve for Jeff. The extra man in midfield made a definite impact with Guy down the left and Micah the right both making surging runs and producing some penetrating balls into the Stroller's box. Unfortunately none of the balls fell kindly to the rampaging Coyley and Si to get the goal that the team deserved.
This attacking endeavour finally bit back as the oppo broke quickly down their right for another tap in to make it 5 (weather: ming). I think for some the final whistle couldn't come quick enough after that and fortunately it did.
The 5-0 scoreline really doesn't act as fair reflection on the performance with the team playing well together in both defence and attack. Gibsy cleared up over and over and over again and Liam was a rock not allowing anyone to pass. Guy and Micah worked tirelessly up the flanks in attack and defence. Hudson, ably assisted by Ian, ran midfield with many a mazey run and had Coyley's early effort nestled in the top corner as it probably deserved to, the sun would have probably shone for the whole match and we may have won 5-0. Despite all this I'm meant to give man of the match to myself for letting in 5 for the second game in a row.
After arriving approximately on time to the most impressive of facilities, Si and myself were met by a fully focused captain Coyley already talking game with the ref. Coyley's focus continued in the changing room where James was forced to change from his fetching blue shorts and socks into team standard black kit borrowed from the bottom of the kit bag. Si and myself looked on sheepishly with our navy blue socks but thankfully passed kit inspection, just.
The team that took the field were: 1.Sanj 2.Micah 3.James 4.Ian 5.Gibsy 6.Liam 7.Jeff 8.Hudson 9.Coyley 10.Si 11.Guy. After walking past London's finest players ( http://kickabouts.intheteam.com/modules/page/Page.aspx?pc=12140&mid=2445&pmid=0) and putting up the nets in a suitably homoerotic manner whilst being photographed by Micah the game got under way. The Alliance, like the weather, started brightly with captain Coyley launching what at first looked like a speculative effort towards the Strollers' goal which finished as an exquisitely struck dipping effort off the outside of his right foot that had their 'keeper in all sorts of trouble and looked for all the world that is was going to end up in the top corner until it was finally parried away to safety.
The rest of the first half was fairly even with the oppo attacking well down the wings and the Alliance building well through the center via Hudson and Ian. Guy and James down the left and Jeff and Micah down the right did a good job of fending off the Stroller's attack. Slowly the Stroller's pressure built and if it were not for some last ditch defending from Gibbsy and Jeff they would have taken the lead. Finally the pressure proved too much as Stroller's went 1-0 up just before half time. A seemingly harsh in-direct free kick was awarded in the area after an apparent foot up. A 5 man wall and everybody else on the line wasn't enough to prevent the ball being lashed into the top of the net.
That rather took the stuffing out of the team and an unusually circumspect half time talk from Coyley was sign enough that the Alliance being behind was not fully deserved. The second half went with the weather for the Alliance it just got greyer and more minging. Stroller's finally managed to break through Gibsy and Liam's damn like central defensive partnership to curl the ball past me and into, I'd like to hope, the top left corner to make it 2-0 (weather: dark grey skies). It was 3-0 after Stroller's broke down right for a simple tap in (weather: drizzle). The fourth followed moments after this time from a break down the left, Micah unfortunately deflecting, a most likely goal bound effort anyway, to just inside the near post in a last ditch attempt to tackle their striker(weather: persistent rain).
Then a piece of tactical wizardry brightened up the Alliance's half with Bernie switching to 3-5-2 with him coming on for James and Steve for Jeff. The extra man in midfield made a definite impact with Guy down the left and Micah the right both making surging runs and producing some penetrating balls into the Stroller's box. Unfortunately none of the balls fell kindly to the rampaging Coyley and Si to get the goal that the team deserved.
This attacking endeavour finally bit back as the oppo broke quickly down their right for another tap in to make it 5 (weather: ming). I think for some the final whistle couldn't come quick enough after that and fortunately it did.
The 5-0 scoreline really doesn't act as fair reflection on the performance with the team playing well together in both defence and attack. Gibsy cleared up over and over and over again and Liam was a rock not allowing anyone to pass. Guy and Micah worked tirelessly up the flanks in attack and defence. Hudson, ably assisted by Ian, ran midfield with many a mazey run and had Coyley's early effort nestled in the top corner as it probably deserved to, the sun would have probably shone for the whole match and we may have won 5-0. Despite all this I'm meant to give man of the match to myself for letting in 5 for the second game in a row.
Monday 9 February 2009
Sunday 8th Feb: The Jokers (A): Big Cup
After the previous weekend’s excellent battling draw on the unfamiliar grass of Regents Park it was back to the astroturf of Market Road. Snow was replaced by (OLD) rain and thankfully it was a couple of degrees warmer so there was no repeat of my southern jessie glove-wearing from the previous Sunday.
I arrived a mere quarter hour before kick-off having missed the Market Road turning and become fully entangled in the Holloway one-way system. It was not a good start and the empty feeling in my stomach where a well-digested pre-match meal should have been was not helping things. I began to regret the previous day’s drinking and sport watching and in particular several cans of Stella that had rounded off the night (WOMAN'S). I’ll spare you the details but having risen at 2pm, and with the help of a pint of Resolve and several visits to the lav it wasn’t pretty.
However with half a bottle of Powerade and some Jaffa cakes down my neck and the freshly laundered kit safely in a well-populated dressing room things were looking up. Things took a turn for the worse after a couple of scrotes who had been hanging around our goal nicked one of our balls. This is where a mugshot of the offenders would come in handy (I can still see the grin on one of the little shit’s face) but unfortunately this week’s account is to be a hard-on-the-eye text fest with no pretty pictures to spice things up. If anyone fancies drawing (MINGE) an artist’s impression though I’m sure Bernie could slip it in and we could have the wider Alliance family on the look out (although with the potential for violence against children and potential incarceration perhaps that’s not such a good idea).
Relieved they hadn’t nicked anything else and after a rousing team talk from Captain Coyle out on the pitch (who as ever was bang up for it and again sporting the lime green internet boots) (PONG) game was finally underway. The line-up was similar to last weekend’s team with Eddie in goal, Liam, Gibbsy, me and Micah across the back, Bernie, Ian, Dan and Guy in midfield and Coyley and Simon up front.
With no seven-foot monster to mark I was a bit lost initially and it soon became apparent that this week’s opposition were going to be a different proposition. Playing one up front and packing the midfield with nippy little diving continental types this lot were looking to pass their way through. One lad called Mauro wearing gloves (what kind of pansy wears gloves?…..unless its snowing of course) and a roll-neck AS Roma top under his shirt looked (SMELLS) ripe for an old fashioned ‘reducer’ early doors. After starting evenly the first half swung in Jokers favour after a stone-wall offside was missed by the ref (who just happened to be one of theirs) and one of their lads slotted home. Oh for a replay and a bit of Alan Hansen or Andy Gray analysis of that one. Things got worse when a shot from outside the box was unluckily deflected in by Gibbsy leaving Eddie with no chance.
So we turned round 2-0 down (LIKE) and half time was mostly spent discussing how we could stop the little shites overrunning us. Chairman Bernie was replaced by Pete in a like for like switch on the left wing. With our defence reluctant to push up in case the ref screwed us with another dodgy off-side decision the opposition still had space and more men in the middle of the park despite the heroic efforts of Dan and Ian. The opposition were still getting chances and despite everyone giving their all we still weren’t gaining the upper hand.
With half of the second half gone Rafa Bernie-tez rang the changes – Colin on for Micah and Steve on for Guy. With time running out he pushed yours truly up into midfield leaving us short at the back but with one more body in the middle of the park. Whether or not this was a tactical masterstroke (or whether it was responsible or not) we started getting up a head of steam with Simon and Coyley up front seeing some ball but with Jokers looking dangerous on the break. With corners coming regularly and the pressure building it looked like we might at least pull one back. But eventually time ran out and we were left ruing a poor refereeing decision and some bad luck. In truth the opposition were good on the ball and a decent passing side but with the effect of tactical changes to look back on Rafa has (FISH) food for thought before we play them again.
It was another whole-hearted performance from the team and 2-0 wasn’t really a fair reflection of our efforts. Eddie pulled off some great saves, the defence looked solid, the midfield did well to contain greater numbers and the lads up front ran their socks off. Man of the Match is a tough one to call with everyone giving 100% but for some tough tackling, hard (BATTER) running and facing up to extra numbers in midfield I can’t split Dan and Ian. [Bernie if you want to choose a winner I guess you’ve got editor’s prerogative - Ed. you're right Tim I do, Liam].
I arrived a mere quarter hour before kick-off having missed the Market Road turning and become fully entangled in the Holloway one-way system. It was not a good start and the empty feeling in my stomach where a well-digested pre-match meal should have been was not helping things. I began to regret the previous day’s drinking and sport watching and in particular several cans of Stella that had rounded off the night (WOMAN'S). I’ll spare you the details but having risen at 2pm, and with the help of a pint of Resolve and several visits to the lav it wasn’t pretty.
However with half a bottle of Powerade and some Jaffa cakes down my neck and the freshly laundered kit safely in a well-populated dressing room things were looking up. Things took a turn for the worse after a couple of scrotes who had been hanging around our goal nicked one of our balls. This is where a mugshot of the offenders would come in handy (I can still see the grin on one of the little shit’s face) but unfortunately this week’s account is to be a hard-on-the-eye text fest with no pretty pictures to spice things up. If anyone fancies drawing (MINGE) an artist’s impression though I’m sure Bernie could slip it in and we could have the wider Alliance family on the look out (although with the potential for violence against children and potential incarceration perhaps that’s not such a good idea).
Relieved they hadn’t nicked anything else and after a rousing team talk from Captain Coyle out on the pitch (who as ever was bang up for it and again sporting the lime green internet boots) (PONG) game was finally underway. The line-up was similar to last weekend’s team with Eddie in goal, Liam, Gibbsy, me and Micah across the back, Bernie, Ian, Dan and Guy in midfield and Coyley and Simon up front.
With no seven-foot monster to mark I was a bit lost initially and it soon became apparent that this week’s opposition were going to be a different proposition. Playing one up front and packing the midfield with nippy little diving continental types this lot were looking to pass their way through. One lad called Mauro wearing gloves (what kind of pansy wears gloves?…..unless its snowing of course) and a roll-neck AS Roma top under his shirt looked (SMELLS) ripe for an old fashioned ‘reducer’ early doors. After starting evenly the first half swung in Jokers favour after a stone-wall offside was missed by the ref (who just happened to be one of theirs) and one of their lads slotted home. Oh for a replay and a bit of Alan Hansen or Andy Gray analysis of that one. Things got worse when a shot from outside the box was unluckily deflected in by Gibbsy leaving Eddie with no chance.
So we turned round 2-0 down (LIKE) and half time was mostly spent discussing how we could stop the little shites overrunning us. Chairman Bernie was replaced by Pete in a like for like switch on the left wing. With our defence reluctant to push up in case the ref screwed us with another dodgy off-side decision the opposition still had space and more men in the middle of the park despite the heroic efforts of Dan and Ian. The opposition were still getting chances and despite everyone giving their all we still weren’t gaining the upper hand.
With half of the second half gone Rafa Bernie-tez rang the changes – Colin on for Micah and Steve on for Guy. With time running out he pushed yours truly up into midfield leaving us short at the back but with one more body in the middle of the park. Whether or not this was a tactical masterstroke (or whether it was responsible or not) we started getting up a head of steam with Simon and Coyley up front seeing some ball but with Jokers looking dangerous on the break. With corners coming regularly and the pressure building it looked like we might at least pull one back. But eventually time ran out and we were left ruing a poor refereeing decision and some bad luck. In truth the opposition were good on the ball and a decent passing side but with the effect of tactical changes to look back on Rafa has (FISH) food for thought before we play them again.
It was another whole-hearted performance from the team and 2-0 wasn’t really a fair reflection of our efforts. Eddie pulled off some great saves, the defence looked solid, the midfield did well to contain greater numbers and the lads up front ran their socks off. Man of the Match is a tough one to call with everyone giving 100% but for some tough tackling, hard (BATTER) running and facing up to extra numbers in midfield I can’t split Dan and Ian. [Bernie if you want to choose a winner I guess you’ve got editor’s prerogative - Ed. you're right Tim I do, Liam].
Wednesday 4 February 2009
Sunday 01 February 2009: Cambazola (h) cup
The morning after the game before and London had been completely shut down by a stealthy avalanche of brilliant bus-blocking, tube-totalling, work-wangling snow, the likes of which hasn’t been seen for many a year. The Great Blizzard of 2009 they were gleefully talking it up as on LBC radio (surely the worst acronym in broadcasting, standing as it does for London’s Biggest Conversation) as they spoke to a half wit on the phone-in who was hoping that Nick Ferrari (perhaps employed to even things out on the name-stakes) would be able to advise him on delivering his imminently arriving child. “Anything else?” Nick asked the half wit after offering clearly useless advice, “What should I call him?” he rang off with, clearly embracing his own idiocy. ‘Snowy’ was offered up. Jesus Christ (that wasn’t, needless to say).
And Fortress Allianza it certainly was, well, metaphorically speaking. Impenetrable to some of our own men as well it seemed as, with only five minutes remaining before KO, our forces were looking as thin on the ground as the Belgian military presence, well, outside of Belgium.
Finally the game was afoot, kicking off late at 2.30, Bernie making a rushed appearance, looking like he might well have slept in the park. Micah started between the sticks, bravely standing in for the still AWOL Eddie. Woody, Liam, Tim and Gibbsy across the back, Dan and Simon in the middle with Guy and Bernie patrolling the flanks. Simon and Coyley led the line. Conditions were blustery and the game settled into a fierce stand off, no side yielding an inch, no ground gained. Long balls were taken out by the wind and there were few chances to speak of. It was tight and competitive. Cambazola didn’t look like a team who had taken us to task 5-0 in our last game, and we didn’t look like a team who would be beaten by 5. Battling performances were put in by Dan and Ian in the middle supporting solid work by the back four, Ian resolutely heading everything that came his way. That sense of shakiness which has often characterised the Alliance defence this season had been swept away by the wind. But after 20 minutes or so a loose ball on the edge of the box fell to one of their lads and was curled up over Micah into the top right. Pete, my optimism deficient ‘bench’-warming comrade, wearily commented that “This is a bit like what happened last time” as it started to snow. 0-1.
Anyway, I digress. Clearly getting to work was not an option. Even though, staying as I was in central London, a half hour walk or a few stops on the resilient Victoria line meant it was certainly was an option. But work didn’t know that, for I was stranded in West Dulwich as far as they were aware. Instead, I headed back over to the scene of the game the day before through a beautifully snowy Regent’s Park, en route to Primrose Hill for a bout of kamikaze sledging on a metal tray. Walking past some impressive snowmen I took the below picture on my phone for those of you who have yet to witness the all new Fortress Allianza.
And Fortress Allianza it certainly was, well, metaphorically speaking. Impenetrable to some of our own men as well it seemed as, with only five minutes remaining before KO, our forces were looking as thin on the ground as the Belgian military presence, well, outside of Belgium.
Corporal Jonesy had come through with aerial reconnaissance pictures of a grey, circular, concrete structure earlier in the week and our Napoleon-sized general had slated a 1.15 rendez-vous. But neither our leader nor goalkeeper were anywhere to be seen. Whilst we waited, time was passed admiring our new surroundings; never have I seen grown men so in awe of a small black hairdryer. A glistening white board outside in reception slated our pitch number and the Home and Away changing rooms (insert bad Australian-themed joke here at leisure). If a nuclear war was to break out this place wouldn’t be a bad bet for seeking refuge, certainly a step up from our last home encounter where it seemed a nuclear war might have been a recent reality.
Not only were we left to admire our plush new surroundings, but also Captain Coyley’s brand spanking new boots. I struggle for the words to describe them, so I’ll let the picture do the talking, a thousand words as the saying goes, quite possibly most of them four letters long. Here they are pictured next to Micah’s red devils, the pair of them revolutionising the world of 3-D technology in front of our very eyes:
Finally the game was afoot, kicking off late at 2.30, Bernie making a rushed appearance, looking like he might well have slept in the park. Micah started between the sticks, bravely standing in for the still AWOL Eddie. Woody, Liam, Tim and Gibbsy across the back, Dan and Simon in the middle with Guy and Bernie patrolling the flanks. Simon and Coyley led the line. Conditions were blustery and the game settled into a fierce stand off, no side yielding an inch, no ground gained. Long balls were taken out by the wind and there were few chances to speak of. It was tight and competitive. Cambazola didn’t look like a team who had taken us to task 5-0 in our last game, and we didn’t look like a team who would be beaten by 5. Battling performances were put in by Dan and Ian in the middle supporting solid work by the back four, Ian resolutely heading everything that came his way. That sense of shakiness which has often characterised the Alliance defence this season had been swept away by the wind. But after 20 minutes or so a loose ball on the edge of the box fell to one of their lads and was curled up over Micah into the top right. Pete, my optimism deficient ‘bench’-warming comrade, wearily commented that “This is a bit like what happened last time” as it started to snow. 0-1.
Simon was mercilessly hacked down by one of their bruisers, of which there were a few, the culprit lucky to escape without a booking. Cambazola seem to be a bit of niggly side who took advantage of some beefy players to go in strong, their number 7, Dolph Lundgren, the worst of the lot. Eddie finally appeared, seemingly unruffled by having been bamboozled by the intricacies of Regent’s Park inner maze for the best part of an hour, and was thrust into the action as Simon was subbed off - the ensuing tactical change transforming our goal keeper into centre forward in the blink of an eye and the shake of a shirt. Half time came and the Northern Alliance was still firmly in the game.
Pete came on for a Bernie who had clearly demonstrated in the first half that sleeping in the wilderness does not a football genius make. Playing with the wind at our backs and the conditions easing a bit the game settled down and the ball was moved around a bit more freely. Woody and Guy put in some good combinations down the right, Tim, Liam and Gibbsy mercilessly defending their line.
What’s that you say John? Penalty? Really, are you sure? Pete had charged down the left wing and been chopped down (Or been dispossessed by a great tackle, outside of the box.) Nevertheless, following a careering roll, Pete was firmly inside the edge of box and, never one to let the Alliance down, our twelfth man, sorry, the referee, signalled to the spot. “If he misses this he’s off” conferred the coaches on the touchline, not necessarily betraying a particularly ruthless streak, just the fact that Coyley was having a bit of a stinker generally.
Under hotly contested circumstances, and no doubt a fair bit of gamesmanship by the opposition, the ball was finally placed. Whether Coyley was put off by this or by the flash of some lime green hypertext transfer protocol shimmering across his new internet boots we will never know, but the goalkeeper guessed the right way and saved to his right post. The ball was kicked up field and they nearly raced away and scored. As I readied myself for entering the fray in place of Coyley he received the ball at the edge of the box, took a touch and hammered the ball over the keeper into the top left in majestic fashion. Instant redemption as Simon, hand caressing the guillotine a moment earlier, rushed onto the pitch to kiss the shiny boots, much to the consternation of the crestfallen Cambazolans. 1-1.
The lead was short lived as what looked like an excellent finger tipped save by Eddie to a finger-stinging effort cruelly dipped under the bar on second asking and rolled limply into the net. 1-2. I came on for Guy as we pressed for an equalizer and Micah shifted to the right wing. They came close a couple of times, a near miss on the right hand post, some squandered chances, a few smart saves and some quick thinking by our keeper foiling them at every turn (Not to mention a more justified shout for a spot kick than our own, but we’ll breeze past that quickly). We continued to battle and our perseverance brought dividends as leading goal scorer and never-say-die battler Dan, smashed in a beauty from the edge of the box - the third top corner goal of the encounter, with about 10 minutes to go. 2-2. The game continued in the spirit it had been played, tough tackling and combative, but no further clear chances came and the whistle shrilled signalling that a much deserved draw was ours. It was the sort of draw that felt like a victory, brilliant performances across the board and writing the wrongs of the previous match.
As we retreated back to the much needed warmth of the changing rooms, John Hall piped up “The grass game suits you boys doesn’t it?” Thanks John, yes it does.
Man of the Match: Very tough. Ian and Dan both had great games in central midfield. If it could be a joint award then the back four would share the spoils for a no-nonsense, tough tackling and battling performance. To separate the centre back wall of Tim and Liam would be unfair, both repelling many an assault. So, for an audacious 35 yard lob in blustery conditions, non-stop running and some crucial tackles the award this week goes to Gibbsy.
Tuesday 13 January 2009
The week began with a heavy heart as I trudged my way into work on Monday morning, dragging my shoes like a seven year old on the first day back at school…thinking ‘where did the festive holidays go?’. Thoroughly despondent I arrived in the office to see Simon ‘Crouchy’ ‘Wrecking ball’ ‘Quino’ Evans who directed me to the xmas drinks blog and I turned my frown upside down. There was a reason to welcome in the New Year and feel good about it after all, the resumption of Northern Alliance fixtures after the winter break.
Suitably inspired I spent the rest of the week dreaming about a 2009 of emphatic wins as the sour taste of defeat fades into a distant memory…….
I already had my media quotes ready;
“well John, looking back all those losses were important for my development as a player”
“you have to learn how to lose gracefully before you can win with honour”
“you learn a lot about your team mates in times of difficulties and I’m just proud to be a part of this team that has dragged itself out of difficulties”
“She told me she was 17 – besides I never touched her”
Suitably inspired I dragged my sorry arse to the gym that evening – and due to feeling additional pressure from Simon ‘the mighty Quinn’ Evans’ declarations that he had stopped drinking for January.
Two more visits to the gym and many hours talking a good game with Crouchy and it was Friday already…time for a visit to the pub….
Iain: “Beer Simon?”
Simon: “No, I’m not drinking”
Iain: “Ok, Pint of Becks please – Simon interrupts – Sorry, make that two pints of Becks please barman”
Simon: “I’m off to a party tonight in oxford, so I guess I can have a couple”
Iain: “are you going to play tomorrow?”
Simon: “Yeah of course, I’m not having a big night and will be on the first bus home in plenty of time for the match”
Then Saturday was upon us
The day of the game soon arrived and despite Bernie changing location on us, we all made it on time – ish! The only sign of the Crouchy was a text I received at 10.45
“yeah, looking like a second half performance from me. F**king g** roads with their b**tard tw**ing traffic bloody jams”
Top swearing!
Being the observant type I also noticed a few faces from the past (good to see you back Liam and Guy) and a newbie reaching for the keepers shirt. (nice to meet you Sanj!)
Bernie looked nervous – if we had a keeper what would become of him?
So after standing around for a bit fizzing balls at the new keeper we moved in for the alliance team talk/huddle/general confusion that precedes our games. Bernie came prepared with an inspirational speech about caressing balls, expressing ourselves & cup games…..but, to be honest I switched off when he started a sentence with “even when we are losing……” so I can’t say what else he had learnt over Christmas.
Then Captain ‘what ban?’ Coyley stepped up with some of his own special form of inspiration. From what Dai translated for me it was along the lines of ‘we only get so many opportunities to play football in our lives and each game should be played like it is our last’
Wise words.
So game on – we lined up something like this
(GK) Sanj
Liamm Gibbsy Dai Bernie (Hi!)
Iain Dan ‘not so evil anymore’ Hudson Pete
Micah Coyley
Ten minutes in an all is looking good, except for the Alliance mascot & #1 fan Henry who looked like he was feeling the -10c.
Someone passed the ball, some other people headed the ball and there were some foul throws.
Then a pitch side incident – Henry in danger of getting hypothermia – meant Dan had to depart the field. 5mins of the midfield looking confused and struggling to understand why we were being overrun and the change is made permanent with Jonesy coming on for Dan.
Yours truly moved into the middle and Jonesy took up my position on the right.
There were a few more passes, some actually went to feet! I definitely remember a tackle or two and the ref had given up awarding foul throws as he was too busy trying to stay alive as the wind chill picked up and made it – 20c.
Gibbsy, Dai, Liam and Bernie were doing a sound job at the back and I even recall seeing an Alliance keeper come for high ball at a cross and take it comfortably (take note Huerelo Gomez) – Inspiring stuff.
Some where in the background there was a scream of ‘Go on Alliance’ and looking up I saw a dangerously thin tall lad running down the street – which could mean only one thing Crouchy had arrived.
Then they played a through ball that bypassed our defence just inside the half, all looked lost until Dai threw himself to the ground to clear the ball. That’s what you call playing like it’s your last game. Dai wasn’t moving much on the ground and when he did get up he was clutching his shoulder. It was clear that Dai wouldn’t be able to continue, Crouchy started to warm up.
Now I could be wrong – but Simon assures me it was 0-0 when he came on in central defence to replace Dai. A brief on field chat with Simon and he informs me that his tardiness was due to a Free Palestine demonstration. So there you go, proof that cause and effect (or the butterfly affect if you prefer) rules all aspects of life…..’Israel occupy land, shoot and bomb a load of people, they shoot and bomb back, and sure as night follows day the Northern Alliance suffer’
Some bloke on their side did something and it was 1-0 to them. More of the same and it was 2-0.
Half time came and Bernie replaced himself with our remaining sub Guy. Coyley turns to Guy and asks ‘are you left footed?’ Guy ‘no’..Coyley: ‘oh!….well, you’re playing left back anyway’
Second half wasn’t the best in terms of Alliance footy. I clearly remember trying to clear a ball in our box and not noticing their player behind me. Suffice to say he beat me to the ball – 3-0.
Now it wasn’t all that bad – we did have the odd spell of passing and I recall a couple of occasions when we put more than two passes together in sequence.
Then some more stuff happened and it was 5-0.
To be fair they had a few good players in key areas, especially their centre forward and midfield – so it’s hard to complain/blame ourselves too much. Perhaps we just got beat by a better side?
Saying that it did grate a little when they celebrated their fifth with the words “he takes sixteen seasons to score a goal for us, and then gets a second in the same game”
Positives for the Alliance – we all worked our arses off, and despite the score no-one stopped trying. Sanj deserves praise for some cracking saves and general all round performance and it doesn’t seem fair that after his first game in the goal for 16 years (5 a side doesn’t count) and some excellent saves he conceded 5. Oh well funny old game!
Gibbsy threw himself into everything and won some crucial balls at the back.
And Micah and Coyley gave options up front all game and ran hard.
MOM: Hudson – endless commitment without the malice (again), special mention to Paul for the same, Gibbsy and Sanj.
Post match news:
1) Dr Bernie reported on Dai’s injury;
A sore AC joint - had three hours in A&E after he left the game, he's alright but cant move his arm much - not sure he's going to be good for much over the next few weeks - rules his love making arm out any road! There is no evidence that Dr Bernie was referring to himself receiving (or for this week, not) the ‘love making arm’ despite some scandalous accusations in the media.
2) Henry survived his brush with hypothermia and looks forward to his next game on the 24th January
3) Simon is in Africa for work – but is popping into Gaza on the way back to have a word.
Iain.
Suitably inspired I spent the rest of the week dreaming about a 2009 of emphatic wins as the sour taste of defeat fades into a distant memory…….
I already had my media quotes ready;
“well John, looking back all those losses were important for my development as a player”
“you have to learn how to lose gracefully before you can win with honour”
“you learn a lot about your team mates in times of difficulties and I’m just proud to be a part of this team that has dragged itself out of difficulties”
“She told me she was 17 – besides I never touched her”
Suitably inspired I dragged my sorry arse to the gym that evening – and due to feeling additional pressure from Simon ‘the mighty Quinn’ Evans’ declarations that he had stopped drinking for January.
Two more visits to the gym and many hours talking a good game with Crouchy and it was Friday already…time for a visit to the pub….
Iain: “Beer Simon?”
Simon: “No, I’m not drinking”
Iain: “Ok, Pint of Becks please – Simon interrupts – Sorry, make that two pints of Becks please barman”
Simon: “I’m off to a party tonight in oxford, so I guess I can have a couple”
Iain: “are you going to play tomorrow?”
Simon: “Yeah of course, I’m not having a big night and will be on the first bus home in plenty of time for the match”
Then Saturday was upon us
The day of the game soon arrived and despite Bernie changing location on us, we all made it on time – ish! The only sign of the Crouchy was a text I received at 10.45
“yeah, looking like a second half performance from me. F**king g** roads with their b**tard tw**ing traffic bloody jams”
Top swearing!
Being the observant type I also noticed a few faces from the past (good to see you back Liam and Guy) and a newbie reaching for the keepers shirt. (nice to meet you Sanj!)
Bernie looked nervous – if we had a keeper what would become of him?
So after standing around for a bit fizzing balls at the new keeper we moved in for the alliance team talk/huddle/general confusion that precedes our games. Bernie came prepared with an inspirational speech about caressing balls, expressing ourselves & cup games…..but, to be honest I switched off when he started a sentence with “even when we are losing……” so I can’t say what else he had learnt over Christmas.
Then Captain ‘what ban?’ Coyley stepped up with some of his own special form of inspiration. From what Dai translated for me it was along the lines of ‘we only get so many opportunities to play football in our lives and each game should be played like it is our last’
Wise words.
So game on – we lined up something like this
(GK) Sanj
Liamm Gibbsy Dai Bernie (Hi!)
Iain Dan ‘not so evil anymore’ Hudson Pete
Micah Coyley
Ten minutes in an all is looking good, except for the Alliance mascot & #1 fan Henry who looked like he was feeling the -10c.
Someone passed the ball, some other people headed the ball and there were some foul throws.
Then a pitch side incident – Henry in danger of getting hypothermia – meant Dan had to depart the field. 5mins of the midfield looking confused and struggling to understand why we were being overrun and the change is made permanent with Jonesy coming on for Dan.
Yours truly moved into the middle and Jonesy took up my position on the right.
There were a few more passes, some actually went to feet! I definitely remember a tackle or two and the ref had given up awarding foul throws as he was too busy trying to stay alive as the wind chill picked up and made it – 20c.
Gibbsy, Dai, Liam and Bernie were doing a sound job at the back and I even recall seeing an Alliance keeper come for high ball at a cross and take it comfortably (take note Huerelo Gomez) – Inspiring stuff.
Some where in the background there was a scream of ‘Go on Alliance’ and looking up I saw a dangerously thin tall lad running down the street – which could mean only one thing Crouchy had arrived.
Then they played a through ball that bypassed our defence just inside the half, all looked lost until Dai threw himself to the ground to clear the ball. That’s what you call playing like it’s your last game. Dai wasn’t moving much on the ground and when he did get up he was clutching his shoulder. It was clear that Dai wouldn’t be able to continue, Crouchy started to warm up.
Now I could be wrong – but Simon assures me it was 0-0 when he came on in central defence to replace Dai. A brief on field chat with Simon and he informs me that his tardiness was due to a Free Palestine demonstration. So there you go, proof that cause and effect (or the butterfly affect if you prefer) rules all aspects of life…..’Israel occupy land, shoot and bomb a load of people, they shoot and bomb back, and sure as night follows day the Northern Alliance suffer’
Some bloke on their side did something and it was 1-0 to them. More of the same and it was 2-0.
Half time came and Bernie replaced himself with our remaining sub Guy. Coyley turns to Guy and asks ‘are you left footed?’ Guy ‘no’..Coyley: ‘oh!….well, you’re playing left back anyway’
Second half wasn’t the best in terms of Alliance footy. I clearly remember trying to clear a ball in our box and not noticing their player behind me. Suffice to say he beat me to the ball – 3-0.
Now it wasn’t all that bad – we did have the odd spell of passing and I recall a couple of occasions when we put more than two passes together in sequence.
Then some more stuff happened and it was 5-0.
To be fair they had a few good players in key areas, especially their centre forward and midfield – so it’s hard to complain/blame ourselves too much. Perhaps we just got beat by a better side?
Saying that it did grate a little when they celebrated their fifth with the words “he takes sixteen seasons to score a goal for us, and then gets a second in the same game”
Positives for the Alliance – we all worked our arses off, and despite the score no-one stopped trying. Sanj deserves praise for some cracking saves and general all round performance and it doesn’t seem fair that after his first game in the goal for 16 years (5 a side doesn’t count) and some excellent saves he conceded 5. Oh well funny old game!
Gibbsy threw himself into everything and won some crucial balls at the back.
And Micah and Coyley gave options up front all game and ran hard.
MOM: Hudson – endless commitment without the malice (again), special mention to Paul for the same, Gibbsy and Sanj.
Post match news:
1) Dr Bernie reported on Dai’s injury;
A sore AC joint - had three hours in A&E after he left the game, he's alright but cant move his arm much - not sure he's going to be good for much over the next few weeks - rules his love making arm out any road! There is no evidence that Dr Bernie was referring to himself receiving (or for this week, not) the ‘love making arm’ despite some scandalous accusations in the media.
2) Henry survived his brush with hypothermia and looks forward to his next game on the 24th January
3) Simon is in Africa for work – but is popping into Gaza on the way back to have a word.
Iain.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
