Courtesy of Micah Watkins and his new wipsy beard...
So, is this a long blog yes it is, but thats because it was a Bloody hard slog of a game. Well I arrived with Ketch nice and early 14.30pm parked up and wondered what this cold wet afternoon had in store for the lads this day. The opposition were also keen to play, they were also pretty early standing around living up to their names telling each other Jokes and generally joking around waiting for the Alliance to arrive.
As the Alliance lads arrived, I knew as I wasnt playing today, my job would be to take care of the smaller Alliance future i.e. Master Henry who was fast asleep and totally out cold. Looked like a good place to be, wrapped up in dad's coat and a blanky. Coyley walked across the pitch with a small grin on his face, oh crap I knew this would happen, the ref was late and they needed a stand in, and so be it. I walked on the pitch, black coat, baseball cap, ready to take control of this match. Keepers ready, Contenders ready, 321 I blew the whistle.
Paul taking early command of the team, the ball started bouncing back and forth and finally ended up at Ketch's feet his first touch for months but before he could do anything one of the Jokers took his feet out from under him. Do I blow for a foul or do I play the advantage, let us have the advantage, forgive me Ketch. The ball bounced towards Gibsy who knocked the ball over the top, play the advantage I said to myself. Medge took hold of the ball and took off, followed by Ian and the Alliance massive surely Medge could convert this, go on son give it a dig was the call from me, oh ahhh yes I am supposed to be impartial at the moment sorry but the advantage played was to no avail straight at the keepers chest, never mind son next time.
We then stopped for a minute, at last the ref was here, 35mintues late,Ohhh Heeellooo, its a woman. Fair enough, I handed over control to her, all the while thinking to myself you forgot to set your clock didnt you, and what did you go shopping for, anyway my male chauvinist side came out but the game continued. The Jokers came back at us, pushing hard towards our defence moving towards Dan and Colin who measured up to them, tracked them and defended well. Colin always going in hard and making his challenges first time well done. We pushed forward again after a big goal kick by Bernie after a few attempted headers the ball landed with Ian who switched it from right over to Medge on the left who danced around one then two then on his left foot you beauty it's in.1 0 Alliance.
The Jokers took the retake, Dan working hard at the back, backed up by Ketch and Colin, Dai clearing his lines and making great challenges. Jonesy running hard and pushing the ball forward as much as possible trying to find Medge and to create chances, the ball bounced back in our favour we pushed forward Paul screaming orders, Dan and Ketch commanding the rear then the ball from my vantage point seemed to bobble back off a Joker after some one had a shot not sure who and then some how bounced of another joker and Oh my God its in, Yey 2 - 0 Alliance own goal by the Jokers.
When half time came we were looking goooood! (At this point the editor steps in to make everyone aware of a strange 20 minute period in the first half which clearly affected Micah as much as the players. Things werent looking good at half time, we were 5-2 down after being 2-0 up. See below but imagine some of it happened in the first half).
Paul giving his normal up lifting team talk it looked like we had this in the bag. 2nd Half The Jokers, proper angry and cheesed off kicked off. Paul bossing it in the middle got hold of the ball knocked a ball over the top chased by Dan backed up by Ian here we go again, then some how the ball found its way to Jokers who pushed back at us and some how crap they scored, it was weak never mind start again lads we all said start again. We kicked off, the ball bouncing around Ketch in his first game back clearing his lines hard and well, Collin tracking his player constantly and getting struck in Chris clearing the ball out the ball landing at Iain's feet. Iain turns and swings a great shot just over the bar a decent effort. We played hard and kept battling hard, then they get a corner, it was then that I felt a great disturbance in the force , the ball played in curling to the far post and then it happened they scored , The Shit Bastards scored 2 1 well never mind lads lets go again then a few minutes later 2 2, OK lads dont worry, keep it cool Paul said calm it down lets get some composure on the ball, then again they came back at us we tracked them back making tackles where needed, marking their players but then an a opening on the right hand side gave them an advantage they broke through and holly hell 3 -2 to the Jokers, not sure what was going on but they clearly found a weakness in the Alliance's armour.
We continued to battle hard and to be honest there really wasnt much in it with Medge getting another goal with a great strike after muscling his way forward. Jonesy again creating chances up front and then Iain also sending another one in, good man Iain great vision. But then before we knew it the shit, I mean the Jokers, had become invigorated Hey whats going on we are playing so well and before I could scream loud enough to wake Henry up it was 4 - 2 Oh my little Padawan dont wake sleep.. It was then that it got a little scrappy as we were fighting hard the Jokers didnt like the fact that we could fight as hard as them and take it and give it back to them, at one point I clearly remember Dan holding his temper and not ripping one of the Jokers' heads off. Paul, also flexing his muscles but showing them who was boss, and me giving them a piece of my mind from the side line.
Then the score line started to change rapidly, the Alliance, no matter (how they stop us, no matter - insert from the ed) what we did couldnt stop the dark force of evil breaking through again they scored 5 - 2 (see half time comment) then 6 - 4 oh hell its 7 - 4 but the Alliance did not sit back, not from where I was standing, I really dont know how they managed to take the victory from us, you may have your opinions but to me it seemed just damned unlucky on our side. We basically got taken up the arse by this lot and not sure why this happened as to be honest the Alliance did not relent or give up it was just one of those games where the Gods decided to screw us. Ketch you played well in your first game back. Well done Sir, not too rusty at all.Bernie again hats of to you for going in between the sticks (Ed - Sorry Micah but I made a dog's cock of between the sticks. Closing my eyes and hoping for the best isnt what we needed).Captain Paul as ever you played hard and dedicated.Gibbsy, Dan, Colin some excellent challenges in defence, Jonesy, Iain, Medge great performances lads.
We will have our day, lets be positive, our day is coming and we will be victorious, I have to say that after careful deliberation with Henry, we decided that the man of the match goes to Colin who challenged better than I have ever seen him, and marked his man constantly a great effort well done Colin. If I have forgotten anything forgive me but such a high scoring game there was a lot going on but well done lads keep your chins up.
Monday 27 October 2008
Monday 20 October 2008
Sunday 19 October: Perfidious Albion (a): Market Road
Opening up the season with a narrow defeat against Green Park Rangers was certainly not the start to the season that our ever enthuisiastic Captain had forseseen. Fortunately, being a Geordie, he’s well used to his pre-season visions not coming to pass. He had used words like “unlucky” and “nearly” in his analysis of last week’s game (and some others that required an interpreter) but he was clearly unsettled by a disappointing start to the season.
So the Captain wore a worried look when he called me one side to: “Take a look at this.” Slightly concerned and panic stricken, I was all ready to reassure him that it wasn’t that bad and nothing a course of antibiotics couldn’t handle when he – much to my relief – pulled out a piece of paper and a pen from an orange sock. On it was a list of his brave little soldiers and a battle plan for victory. He talked for a bit, I listened, nodding occasionally, before agreeing upon a formation I barely understood.
So we lined up with Eddie between the sticks, Steve, Dai, Chris and Bernie across the back, an unfathomable midfield matrix of Paul, Dan, Simon, Jonny and Micah, and Hudson – sporting new boots fitted with a pioneering Malice Regulation Device – doing the Alliance’s bit to promote global terror up front. On the bench, Gibbsy, Colin, and Jeff waited for the call whilst exchanging pleasantries with Henry.
Off we go then with the possibility of mood lighting later in the game courtesy of the newly installed Market Road wind turbine (not the only thing powered by wind). As usual, we were quickly into our silky stride, knocking the ball around with clueless ease. Simon, Dan and Paul were starting to win the midfield battle, the back four set up their own version of Offa’s Dyke in front of Eddie and Matty was busy playing nice guy up front as the FA-sponsored valium held firm.
But it was on the flanks that the action really started, sparked into life by the latest instalment of the Alliance sponsored foul-throw-a-thon (nearly £8 now raised for ‘Knees for Nick’). Taking their lead from the do-gooding, Jonny and Micah started marauding in the wide open spaces and linking up nicely with Paul, Matt and Simon. Several half-chances came and went as a few crosses narrowly missed their target and a few shots missed the target. Meantime at the back, Chris was just offering round brandy and cigars when Perfidious broke.
I say broke, I mean hoofed it over the top. Still struggling with the cigar cutter, Dai made a dog’s breakfast of a simple ball over the top but breathed a sigh of releif when his pace came to the rescue once again. Corner to Perfidious. Bit of pushing and shoving in the penalty area (not helped by Bernie cracking open a pack of mini-cheddars) was quickly forgotten when the ball looped over us all only for Eddie to leap like an imposing Colombian goalkeeper and tip over the bar. Still 0-0 and a wake up call for the Alliance.
With half-time appraoching we were quickly back on the attack, again down the flanks where Jonny continued to maraude and Micah worked tirelessly holding the ball up and linking play nicely. It was from one of the flanks that the ball was worked into the middle where Dan had made a rare foray upfield, setting off my ‘shit I feel all exposed’ panic alarm in the process. But once there, he picked the ball up on the edge of the D, shaped to hit it with his left foot, thought better of it, shaped to hit it with his right foot, couldn’t, and so reluctantly went back to his left. After 3 whole minutes, he eventually let fly with his left foot and we were 1-0 up. Cue customary Dan hard man goal celebration.
Half-time. (Ice-cream and refreshments on sale in the foyer)
At half-time we congratulated ourselves on a job well-done and talked about continuing the work rate and spreading the ball wider where Jonny and Micah were excelling (or maybe that was just what I said). With Paul, Simon and Dan ruling midfield, and Dai and Chris doing a steady job with Steve and Bernie at the back, we were looking good.
You will excuse the short write up of the second half but I only played 10 minutes of it and frankly lost interest as soon as Henry revealed that not only did he have a Bob the Builder figure, but a tractor too. From what I remember, they shifted it round a bit and dropped one of their strikers back into midfield and brought on a blunderbus of a striker up front. No matter, Chris and Dan were having him for breakfast.
Still we looked like the better team, with Jonny, Matty and Micah starting to link up well up front. Again chances came and went, one in particular where Jonny was a fag-paper away from converting a cross from Matty or Micah or someone else beginning with M. By this time Gibbsy, Jeff and Colin were all on all as Bernie, Steve and Dai took their leave.
Still very much on top, we needed another goal to give us reward for our superiority. Eventually it came when Jonny latched on to a smart through ball and slid the ball under the onrushing keeper. 2-0 and the Chairman’s starting to calculate win bonuses.
But with the promise of a £5 book token in the offing, the Alliance fell apart. Sinking too deep and giving the ball away needlessly, Perfidious started to think that there was something in this game for them. Eddie made a couple of smart saves but cracks were starting to show. Shortly afterwards one crack in particular became a cavernous split. First a cross that we failed to cut was netted at the near post (could have been a bicycle kick from 40 yards for all I can remember) and then with just seconds remaining, a floaty, loopy, flicky, gay shot from the edge of the area left Eddie with no chance. 2-2. Can you fucking believe it?
Plenty of positives: Matty’s new anti-malice device, Dan as the shield in front of the back four, Jonny bringing a sense of adventure to the right hand side, Simon and Paul quietly effective in the middle and mini-cheddars at corners.
Negatives: Drawing with a team that even Newcastle might beat. (“Which one of you is Perfidious? You’re a c**t.”) Oh, and the fact that Coyley’s volley from the edge of the box (speed-gunned at 150mph) just flew over the bar.
MOM: Micah. A grand job on the left hand-side, making good use of the ball, linking play well, battling for everything and demonstrating that you too can throw the ball a fucking long way if you take creatin powder and eat 6 whole chickens a day.
Bernie's PS: I actually cleared one off the line in the first half plus here's Uncle Gibbsy on the tele: http://www.pringles.co.uk/football/extras.aspx (scroll down to the second video)
So the Captain wore a worried look when he called me one side to: “Take a look at this.” Slightly concerned and panic stricken, I was all ready to reassure him that it wasn’t that bad and nothing a course of antibiotics couldn’t handle when he – much to my relief – pulled out a piece of paper and a pen from an orange sock. On it was a list of his brave little soldiers and a battle plan for victory. He talked for a bit, I listened, nodding occasionally, before agreeing upon a formation I barely understood.
So we lined up with Eddie between the sticks, Steve, Dai, Chris and Bernie across the back, an unfathomable midfield matrix of Paul, Dan, Simon, Jonny and Micah, and Hudson – sporting new boots fitted with a pioneering Malice Regulation Device – doing the Alliance’s bit to promote global terror up front. On the bench, Gibbsy, Colin, and Jeff waited for the call whilst exchanging pleasantries with Henry.
Off we go then with the possibility of mood lighting later in the game courtesy of the newly installed Market Road wind turbine (not the only thing powered by wind). As usual, we were quickly into our silky stride, knocking the ball around with clueless ease. Simon, Dan and Paul were starting to win the midfield battle, the back four set up their own version of Offa’s Dyke in front of Eddie and Matty was busy playing nice guy up front as the FA-sponsored valium held firm.
But it was on the flanks that the action really started, sparked into life by the latest instalment of the Alliance sponsored foul-throw-a-thon (nearly £8 now raised for ‘Knees for Nick’). Taking their lead from the do-gooding, Jonny and Micah started marauding in the wide open spaces and linking up nicely with Paul, Matt and Simon. Several half-chances came and went as a few crosses narrowly missed their target and a few shots missed the target. Meantime at the back, Chris was just offering round brandy and cigars when Perfidious broke.
I say broke, I mean hoofed it over the top. Still struggling with the cigar cutter, Dai made a dog’s breakfast of a simple ball over the top but breathed a sigh of releif when his pace came to the rescue once again. Corner to Perfidious. Bit of pushing and shoving in the penalty area (not helped by Bernie cracking open a pack of mini-cheddars) was quickly forgotten when the ball looped over us all only for Eddie to leap like an imposing Colombian goalkeeper and tip over the bar. Still 0-0 and a wake up call for the Alliance.
With half-time appraoching we were quickly back on the attack, again down the flanks where Jonny continued to maraude and Micah worked tirelessly holding the ball up and linking play nicely. It was from one of the flanks that the ball was worked into the middle where Dan had made a rare foray upfield, setting off my ‘shit I feel all exposed’ panic alarm in the process. But once there, he picked the ball up on the edge of the D, shaped to hit it with his left foot, thought better of it, shaped to hit it with his right foot, couldn’t, and so reluctantly went back to his left. After 3 whole minutes, he eventually let fly with his left foot and we were 1-0 up. Cue customary Dan hard man goal celebration.
Half-time. (Ice-cream and refreshments on sale in the foyer)
At half-time we congratulated ourselves on a job well-done and talked about continuing the work rate and spreading the ball wider where Jonny and Micah were excelling (or maybe that was just what I said). With Paul, Simon and Dan ruling midfield, and Dai and Chris doing a steady job with Steve and Bernie at the back, we were looking good.
You will excuse the short write up of the second half but I only played 10 minutes of it and frankly lost interest as soon as Henry revealed that not only did he have a Bob the Builder figure, but a tractor too. From what I remember, they shifted it round a bit and dropped one of their strikers back into midfield and brought on a blunderbus of a striker up front. No matter, Chris and Dan were having him for breakfast.
Still we looked like the better team, with Jonny, Matty and Micah starting to link up well up front. Again chances came and went, one in particular where Jonny was a fag-paper away from converting a cross from Matty or Micah or someone else beginning with M. By this time Gibbsy, Jeff and Colin were all on all as Bernie, Steve and Dai took their leave.
Still very much on top, we needed another goal to give us reward for our superiority. Eventually it came when Jonny latched on to a smart through ball and slid the ball under the onrushing keeper. 2-0 and the Chairman’s starting to calculate win bonuses.
But with the promise of a £5 book token in the offing, the Alliance fell apart. Sinking too deep and giving the ball away needlessly, Perfidious started to think that there was something in this game for them. Eddie made a couple of smart saves but cracks were starting to show. Shortly afterwards one crack in particular became a cavernous split. First a cross that we failed to cut was netted at the near post (could have been a bicycle kick from 40 yards for all I can remember) and then with just seconds remaining, a floaty, loopy, flicky, gay shot from the edge of the area left Eddie with no chance. 2-2. Can you fucking believe it?
Plenty of positives: Matty’s new anti-malice device, Dan as the shield in front of the back four, Jonny bringing a sense of adventure to the right hand side, Simon and Paul quietly effective in the middle and mini-cheddars at corners.
Negatives: Drawing with a team that even Newcastle might beat. (“Which one of you is Perfidious? You’re a c**t.”) Oh, and the fact that Coyley’s volley from the edge of the box (speed-gunned at 150mph) just flew over the bar.
MOM: Micah. A grand job on the left hand-side, making good use of the ball, linking play well, battling for everything and demonstrating that you too can throw the ball a fucking long way if you take creatin powder and eat 6 whole chickens a day.
Bernie's PS: I actually cleared one off the line in the first half plus here's Uncle Gibbsy on the tele: http://www.pringles.co.uk/football/extras.aspx (scroll down to the second video)
Monday 13 October 2008
20089 FIXTURES/RESULTS
Green Park Rangers Battersea League AWAY 12/10/2008: 2-3 (Medge, Ballsy)
Perfidious Albion Market Road League AWAY 19/10/2008: 2-2 (Dan, Johnny
Jokers Market Road League AWAY 26/10/2008: 7-4 (Paul, Medge 2, Own Goal)
Fowlers Mile End Cup AWAY 05/11/2008 (8.30pm KO): 0-8 (massive neg)
Shanty Town Clapham League HOME 15/11/2008 (1.30pm KO) 3-3 (Paul, Dan, Hudson)
Golden Boots Market Road League AWAY 23/11/2008 2-3
Strollers Market Road League AWAY 30/11/2008 2-2 (Dan 2)
Cambazola Market Road Cup AWAY (10/01/2009) 0-5
FC National Putney League AWAY 24/01/2009
Cambazola Clapham Cup HOME 01/02/2009 (1.30pm KO)
Jokers Market Road League AWAY 08/02/2009
Strollers Clapham League HOME 15/02/2009 (1.30pm KO)
Fowlers Clapham Cup HOME 21/02/2009 (1.30pm KO)
Shanty Town Market Road League AWAY 28/02/2009
Jokers Clapham Cup HOME 07/03/2008 (1.30pm KO)
Golden Boots Clapham League HOME 14/03/2008 (1.30pm KO)
FC National Clapham League HOME 21/03/2008 (1.30pm KO)
Perfidious Albion Clapham LeagueHOME 29/03/2008 (1.30pm KO)
Green Park Rangers (Location TBC) League HOME 25/04/2008
Jokers (Location TBC) League HOME 10/05/2008
Perfidious Albion Market Road League AWAY 19/10/2008: 2-2 (Dan, Johnny
Jokers Market Road League AWAY 26/10/2008: 7-4 (Paul, Medge 2, Own Goal)
Fowlers Mile End Cup AWAY 05/11/2008 (8.30pm KO): 0-8 (massive neg)
Shanty Town Clapham League HOME 15/11/2008 (1.30pm KO) 3-3 (Paul, Dan, Hudson)
Golden Boots Market Road League AWAY 23/11/2008 2-3
Strollers Market Road League AWAY 30/11/2008 2-2 (Dan 2)
Cambazola Market Road Cup AWAY (10/01/2009) 0-5
FC National Putney League AWAY 24/01/2009
Cambazola Clapham Cup HOME 01/02/2009 (1.30pm KO)
Jokers Market Road League AWAY 08/02/2009
Strollers Clapham League HOME 15/02/2009 (1.30pm KO)
Fowlers Clapham Cup HOME 21/02/2009 (1.30pm KO)
Shanty Town Market Road League AWAY 28/02/2009
Jokers Clapham Cup HOME 07/03/2008 (1.30pm KO)
Golden Boots Clapham League HOME 14/03/2008 (1.30pm KO)
FC National Clapham League HOME 21/03/2008 (1.30pm KO)
Perfidious Albion Clapham LeagueHOME 29/03/2008 (1.30pm KO)
Green Park Rangers (Location TBC) League HOME 25/04/2008
Jokers (Location TBC) League HOME 10/05/2008
Sunday 12 October: vs GPR (A) at Battsersea Park
Howay lads, we’re not a bunch of 9yr olds.
Coyley’s latest nonsensical motivational shoutings (see title) still rings through my ears as I write the blog in the absence of the Bard Bernie, apologies for any poor description of the game but, as I’ve told many women the day after when I forget their name, “I had a car accident a few years ago and I now consequently have a very poor short term memory”.
Week started badly as the team sheet rolled in to Captain Coyley with something like 11 forward minded players and 2 defenders on the list. The missing of Dan, Dai, Chris and Bernie due to family commitments earns them the right to buy the first round next Sunday. Other losses included Gibbsy and Geoff who I can only assume are dead and so are exempt from pint buying.
So we turn up on an un-seasonally warm day at Battersea park to face GRP high on the confidence building friendly win and looking to finish this lower league shower off before half time then switch off and catch up the ‘man tan’ in the second. The Captain took his deserved vice captain for the day (me) aside for a chat about the team in which he showed me the team on the back of a bus timetable, I recommended changes, he disregarded them, we were set. Very makeshift team read as follows: Eddie (welcome return in goal), John F and Crouch (centre backs) Johnny (RB) Colin (LB) Hudson & Coyley (CM) Ballsy (AMF) Iain (RAMF) Micah (LAMF) Mej (CF) Subs: Pete, Steve. (Ed. Fucking hell the positioning is like Championship Manager 2003)
The game started well from the centre backs view, very scrappy but holding our own. No real chances early doors but some worrying signs as balls got sent over the top and our terrifyingly rapid centre back pairing were caught out of position and out of line a couple of times. Sadly this tactic paid off after 15 mins or so with a ball over the top and myself and a GPR attacker chasing back, the tactical football magazines I read as a child told me I should have taken ball and player out of the game but I opted for the frankly surprising choice of neither. Unfortunately Eddie had strayed off his line and my crap tackle led to a jammy shot creeping into the corner 1-0 GPR.
Some good work coming from Ballsy Micah on the left and Johnny and Iain on the right was settling us down, if we could get a few in the mixer it looked like it might be turning, sadly they raped the wind out of our sails with a well worked goal involving some kind of camp precise backheel and a lucky crisply hit curling 18 yard strike into the top corner, no one at fault for this one, perhaps we could have closed them down quicker. 2-0
I started getting annoyed at being a shit centre back at this point and thought I’d take it upon myself to be a shit forward for a bit. I’m not 100% sure but it must have been a corner or I wouldn’t have been in their box but a ball into the middle led to a GPR defender hastily clearing the ball into my testicles from point blank range on the 6 yard box and with superb ball control (see what I did there) it landed at my feet. As the dark clouds of unconsciousness began to take hold I managed to turn and lay it off to Ballsy on the edge of the area middle of the goal, one touch to set himself then a deft curled effort into the top corner. Good stuff 2-1.
Half Time.
Second half began with Steve coming on at right back for Micah, Johnny goes Right Wing and Iain over to the left. Ramshackle defending lets them back in a number of times and Eddy works wonders to keep them at bay until finally he can only palm one upward and the bounce defeats John F (not his fault) to allow their forward to nod home from 1 yard 3-1.
We then start to build with Johnny working hard on the right and Mej getting very close to being put through by Iain, Ballsy and Coyley but all either cut out or too long, just. Several corners came our way with sound deliveries from Iain leading to some great chances for Steve and others I can’t remember. Finally the pressure told with a really good goal. Corner for GPR, sterling defending from Pete (on for Colin at LB) to start a move down the right. Sorry if I miss anyone here but I know Johnny ran a long way with the ball, exchanged passes with someone (sorry) and put Coyley in on the angle. Coyley played a deliberate and precise scuffed shot into the area and Mej volleyed home. 3-2.
At this point our gander was up and with Micah scaring the living piss out of everyone on the sidelines with manic berating (good work Micah) and Coyley referring to us a 9 year olds (again) we wanted it more than them. More corners came in, more chances. Then the moment we were all waiting for Ballsy takes a short corner to Mej, Mej sends in a near perfect cross and Johnny can’t quite grow enough to get over the header and guided it wide (which to be fair was all he could have done, bloody short people)
We (me) then switched off a bit and a few chances fell to GPR which they should have taken but for the quality of Eddy in the sticks, before we knew it the whistle had gone 3-2 GPR.
Positives: Understrength and unknown team played some decent stuff at times and effort was good. Made chances from set pieces and defended high balls relatively well. Coyley got a new catchphrase.
Negatives: Lost.
Overall some good games out there, stand-out performance outfield from Johnny with good running and skills down the right just not able to get the crosses over due to solid defending, but it’ll come. Micah almost won MOM from the sidelines with his shouting 12th man performance also for taking the kit again (someone else next time please lads). But MOM has to go to Eddy for some top saves and good presence in the box, could have been out of it early in the second without the big man, well played sir.
I apologise for my centre back performance, I think the shot to the love spuds was some divine justice for allowing them through so many times. Also had my t shirt nicked/taken by accident so if anyone finds a dark blue T-Shirt with ‘Cougars’ written on it, it’s mine you thieving git! (only joking, I’ll have it back next game please). Also I had to look after a woman this week (not you Iain) so will be back on the social secretary scene next week where we can get a few more of us down the pub post match.
Big shout to Hudson who played well but has not received a mention at all in the blog because he a) kept his temper and b) didn’t injury himself. Well done resident evil, we salute you (and well done whoever spiked him with depressants before the game).
Special mention to Sophie and Vicki for their support and presenting of individual bags of haribo after the game. You’re welcome everytime.
Coyley’s latest nonsensical motivational shoutings (see title) still rings through my ears as I write the blog in the absence of the Bard Bernie, apologies for any poor description of the game but, as I’ve told many women the day after when I forget their name, “I had a car accident a few years ago and I now consequently have a very poor short term memory”.
Week started badly as the team sheet rolled in to Captain Coyley with something like 11 forward minded players and 2 defenders on the list. The missing of Dan, Dai, Chris and Bernie due to family commitments earns them the right to buy the first round next Sunday. Other losses included Gibbsy and Geoff who I can only assume are dead and so are exempt from pint buying.
So we turn up on an un-seasonally warm day at Battersea park to face GRP high on the confidence building friendly win and looking to finish this lower league shower off before half time then switch off and catch up the ‘man tan’ in the second. The Captain took his deserved vice captain for the day (me) aside for a chat about the team in which he showed me the team on the back of a bus timetable, I recommended changes, he disregarded them, we were set. Very makeshift team read as follows: Eddie (welcome return in goal), John F and Crouch (centre backs) Johnny (RB) Colin (LB) Hudson & Coyley (CM) Ballsy (AMF) Iain (RAMF) Micah (LAMF) Mej (CF) Subs: Pete, Steve. (Ed. Fucking hell the positioning is like Championship Manager 2003)
The game started well from the centre backs view, very scrappy but holding our own. No real chances early doors but some worrying signs as balls got sent over the top and our terrifyingly rapid centre back pairing were caught out of position and out of line a couple of times. Sadly this tactic paid off after 15 mins or so with a ball over the top and myself and a GPR attacker chasing back, the tactical football magazines I read as a child told me I should have taken ball and player out of the game but I opted for the frankly surprising choice of neither. Unfortunately Eddie had strayed off his line and my crap tackle led to a jammy shot creeping into the corner 1-0 GPR.
Some good work coming from Ballsy Micah on the left and Johnny and Iain on the right was settling us down, if we could get a few in the mixer it looked like it might be turning, sadly they raped the wind out of our sails with a well worked goal involving some kind of camp precise backheel and a lucky crisply hit curling 18 yard strike into the top corner, no one at fault for this one, perhaps we could have closed them down quicker. 2-0
I started getting annoyed at being a shit centre back at this point and thought I’d take it upon myself to be a shit forward for a bit. I’m not 100% sure but it must have been a corner or I wouldn’t have been in their box but a ball into the middle led to a GPR defender hastily clearing the ball into my testicles from point blank range on the 6 yard box and with superb ball control (see what I did there) it landed at my feet. As the dark clouds of unconsciousness began to take hold I managed to turn and lay it off to Ballsy on the edge of the area middle of the goal, one touch to set himself then a deft curled effort into the top corner. Good stuff 2-1.
Half Time.
Second half began with Steve coming on at right back for Micah, Johnny goes Right Wing and Iain over to the left. Ramshackle defending lets them back in a number of times and Eddy works wonders to keep them at bay until finally he can only palm one upward and the bounce defeats John F (not his fault) to allow their forward to nod home from 1 yard 3-1.
We then start to build with Johnny working hard on the right and Mej getting very close to being put through by Iain, Ballsy and Coyley but all either cut out or too long, just. Several corners came our way with sound deliveries from Iain leading to some great chances for Steve and others I can’t remember. Finally the pressure told with a really good goal. Corner for GPR, sterling defending from Pete (on for Colin at LB) to start a move down the right. Sorry if I miss anyone here but I know Johnny ran a long way with the ball, exchanged passes with someone (sorry) and put Coyley in on the angle. Coyley played a deliberate and precise scuffed shot into the area and Mej volleyed home. 3-2.
At this point our gander was up and with Micah scaring the living piss out of everyone on the sidelines with manic berating (good work Micah) and Coyley referring to us a 9 year olds (again) we wanted it more than them. More corners came in, more chances. Then the moment we were all waiting for Ballsy takes a short corner to Mej, Mej sends in a near perfect cross and Johnny can’t quite grow enough to get over the header and guided it wide (which to be fair was all he could have done, bloody short people)
We (me) then switched off a bit and a few chances fell to GPR which they should have taken but for the quality of Eddy in the sticks, before we knew it the whistle had gone 3-2 GPR.
Positives: Understrength and unknown team played some decent stuff at times and effort was good. Made chances from set pieces and defended high balls relatively well. Coyley got a new catchphrase.
Negatives: Lost.
Overall some good games out there, stand-out performance outfield from Johnny with good running and skills down the right just not able to get the crosses over due to solid defending, but it’ll come. Micah almost won MOM from the sidelines with his shouting 12th man performance also for taking the kit again (someone else next time please lads). But MOM has to go to Eddy for some top saves and good presence in the box, could have been out of it early in the second without the big man, well played sir.
I apologise for my centre back performance, I think the shot to the love spuds was some divine justice for allowing them through so many times. Also had my t shirt nicked/taken by accident so if anyone finds a dark blue T-Shirt with ‘Cougars’ written on it, it’s mine you thieving git! (only joking, I’ll have it back next game please). Also I had to look after a woman this week (not you Iain) so will be back on the social secretary scene next week where we can get a few more of us down the pub post match.
Big shout to Hudson who played well but has not received a mention at all in the blog because he a) kept his temper and b) didn’t injury himself. Well done resident evil, we salute you (and well done whoever spiked him with depressants before the game).
Special mention to Sophie and Vicki for their support and presenting of individual bags of haribo after the game. You’re welcome everytime.
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