As Dan pointed out it was a game of two halves, and as I pointed out, I was the causal link between the two halves of football and the outcome of the game.
First half:
Team: Eddie, Ian (Simon’s mate), Liam, Tim, Colin, Simon, Dan, Steve, Guy, Paul Sub: Bernie
Score: 1-1
Second half:
Team: Eddie, Ian, Liam Tim, Bernie (on for Colin), Simon, Dan, Steve, Guy, Paul
Score: 5-0
Final score: 6-1 (this section is for those who are more words than numbers)
You can’t argue with what I’m saying there can you boys?
So how did the Alliance’s first win of the season materialise? Has the Smith/Coyle dream team finally found the winning formula?
In the post match press conference, skipper Coyle spoke to journalists eager to here the contributing factors to the victory; ‘we’ve been threatening to do that for a few weeks now…it was only a matter of time before we gave someone a good hiding. There’s a long way to go to get us out of this relegation battle, we’ll enjoy a drink tonight and the goals on MOTD, then it’s back to work on Monday for next week’s game’. The press went on to question Coyle about his recent stress busting break in the Gambia and next week’s scouting mission to Eastern Europe. But then the camera’s roared, and the gentlemen of the press rose as one, of course, there was now a Smith amongst us…
So we set up with the new and innovative 3-6-1 which had served us well in the unlucky defeat against Fowlers in the cup. With Micah sidelined, Coyley, bronzed and fresh from his aforementioned Gambian adventure, stepped into the striking birth with Guy plying his trade in front of the midfield.
The game was scrappy to start with and we weren’t looking as assured as last week at the back. Different team, different surface, different personnel perhaps but whatever the reasons we were getting cut open by Shanty Town. And we were making them look good. Coyley was getting isolated and Steve didn’t know who to mark in the middle. Having said all that on a rare foray into the box from the Alliance, I think Ian (Simon’s mate), was fouled (but I stand corrected). Simon, the Alliance’s first choice penalty taker, stepped up to slot home. 1-0.
Before and after we scored Shanty Town had the ball in the back of the net a couple of times but were ruled off side by John Hall – they didn’t look that offside but I couldn’t tell from the sidelines. We got lucky as they picked us off at will.
From the sidelines, the tactical mechanics of my mind were working over time to find an even more complicated formation to communicate to the team. In the end I decided on reverting to a more conventional 4-5-1 with Colin and Ian as full backs. With the Alliance I’ve realised if things aren’t working make a change, in the rest of my life I flog a bad decision to death then change my mind after it’s too late to make a change. But my ruthless streak emerges on the sidelines so I made a change. Shortly after this change, the score also changed. 1-1. A ball over the top of the flat back four I’d changed found our defenders chasing one of their players who was one on one with Eddie. Eddie came half way then cemented himself to the penalty spot leaning against a ‘Entry forbidden’ sign. Unfortunately, their player ignored or did not see this sign which gave the big man no option than to bring him down. They converted the penalty.
At half time we re-grouped, and I reminded our lot we’d got away with it as we could and should have been two or three down. Luckily we weren’t, so we sounded the battle cry and vowed to put them to the sword. I smelt blood…although most of the team had cut their respective knees open by this point so it really was no surprise. Smithy stepped in for Colin who’d tweaked a muscle. We needed to get the ball on the deck and take it to ‘em.
Smithy immediately added to the composure and experience of the team, setting the tone with some sharp passing moves with Pete, Guy, Coyley et al. We were still a bit flat footed at the back and they caused a few problems in the first ten minutes but they wasteful up front and again we escaped. Then things changed, the smell of our bloody knees was suffocated by the smell of poo as the Alliance ‘ripped them apart’ with a series of really, rather intricate passing moves.
To take us 2-1 up, a smart pass down the left (nb that’s where I was mostly hanging out readers, so I wonder who did that? I cant keep referring to my direct influence but take it as red that a lot of the best stuff was coming down the left hand side of the pitch. I should point out I was aided and abetted by m’learned colleague, Mr Pete Stupple) found it’s way to Steve or Guy or they passed to each other. Now think World Cup 1970, the ball is passed a long the area until Carlos Alberto arrives down the right and powers home. So we had a portly version of Alberto arriving, who described it as a ‘classic Monahan finish’, to put us 2-1 up. But this was sure aint no disco at this point.
Another pass down the left led to Guy feeding Paul to score our third and suddenly we’re winning and with some style. We’re passing, moving and hungry for it. They are arguing between themselves and we’re heading for victory. Shortly after we had a corner or a ball from the right from Ian – Simon’s mate – who can be very pleased with his debut for the Alliance – marauding up the right flank and putting in dangerous crosses. After a scramble in the box the ball looped up and as it came down Steve volleyed in – there was no margin for error in the direction as there were plenty of bodies and only a small part of the goal to aim at but it found its way in. 4-1. When your two bit, good for nothing dirt bag of a cousin starts scoring goals for fun as Big Ron would have put it then you know it’s going to be your day. We were nearly ready for a disco by this point but still had to be alert. They’d stuck on their big forward (who amusingly pointed out that he came on at 2-1, and when he said it, it was 5-1) and were still having a go but Liam, Tim, Ian and that rather charismatic, dangerously good looking one down the left kept it tight. Pete helped too.
Then it was just like watching Brazil, well a fat imposter version of Brazil, as the Alliance started shooting at will. Yes that’s at will. Not a bloke called Will who we took a dislike to, and if there had been a brothel on the pitch even Coyley would have probably dipped his wick. Simon and Paul both had efforts turned round by their keeper and Guy was free and running a mock. Pete was doing a lot of leg work up and down the flanks and linking well with the forwards while Simon and Dan made sure the gates to the Alliance Country house were locked. I cant remember the sequence of play but the ball came to Ian on the right flank and he put in a cross cum shot (all over her face) which out did their keeper and number 5 is alive for the Alliance. And it could have been more, so many more. To give you an idea Paul was chipping the ball to the edge of the area for Guy to have Scholesyesque pop shots at goal. We were walking (thankfully for once) in an Alliance wonderland.
And there was one more. I can say without doubt that we saved the best til last. I’ve seen some good goals playing for the Alliance and I’ve no doubt the year before I played where the Lesley Dart / Los Bodious partnership of the now legendary, potentially mythical 2001/2 season saw some belters as apparently they both scored 25 each (chinny reck on). And Coyley, when he was in his pomp and without the pressures of captaincy/management on his shoulders, scored a last minute equaliser from miles out against FC National at Hackney Marshes. But I think Guy’s effort is the best goal I’ve seen for the Alliance (well from what I can remember) – the ball popped out of the area and in some sort of Daniel LaRusso kick that would have given Mr Miyagi plenty of reasons to re-wax the fence, Guy volleyed in mid flight and put it under the cross bar. The keeper wouldn’t have sin it on the action replay. It was a seaming rosner make no mistake and that was that. Phew! 6-1 and three very valuable points for the Alliance cause (which if any of you weren’t aware was not to finish bottom for the second year in a row, but still go to the pub occasionally).
Full time and off we trotted to the pub – where sandwiches and some slightly dubious looking sausages were laid on for us seemingly just for drinking – for general back slapping and merriment. We headed to the Big Chill Bar to carry on the celebrations and watch the girls go by, and my word that’s given us some material for a few weeks. Unless of course you have a mentalist booty call at your beck and call. We’ll miss Simon’s love life updates during his West African partnership mission as we seek to grow the Alliance brand overseas.
A great team performance, Eddie didn’t have too much to do, due to the steely concentration of Tim and Liam. Some responsibility in midfield as Dan and Simon took it in turns to hold. A great debut from Ian, Coyley did some sturling stuff. Steve ran all game (and got a deserved goal), Pete linked up well and did some of my running too, but in the end Guy gets MOM for creativity, control and for a finish you don’t see very often. At least not in our golden amber Saturday afternoon dreams….
Forza Alliance.
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